911, Oh 911, How Should my Pot Garden Grow?

February 7th, 2011. By LucyC

Question: Who do you turn to for horticultural advice on marijuana? Answer: Not 911. But hey, you learn through your mistakes, right? Like 21-year old Robert Michelson, who, confused about the legal implications of growing his own happy grass, decided to go straight to the source—well—straight to the source via 911 (?). He asked the emergency services dispatcher how much trouble he could get into if he grew one marijuana plant. OMG did he ever get an answer.

Michelson was arrested shortly after making the phone call—not the brightest move of his life admittedly. But the police response was so heavy—I’m left wondering why it didn’t include a SWAT team.

The police showed up at the boy’s house and seized a small amount of pot and some drug paraphernalia. For his part, Michelson admitted that he’d bought seeds and equipment for growing marijuana. This cost him—or more likely his parents—$5,000—in bail. He was released but not before he was charged with marijuana possession and other crimes. Other crimes? Must have been a slow day at the station.

First thing to do when getting out of jail? Go to Disney World? Uh, no. Maybe this guy was trying to add to his resume—sorry—rap sheet. He was not a day out of jail—where he was awaiting trial on charges of assaulting his girlfriend—when he decided to steal a car and rob a bank.

Upper Yoder police say 29-year-old Richard Brandon Johnson robbed the First Commonwealth Bank in Bens Creek, Western Pennsylvania, on Wednesday February 2. But his Jessie James moment was short lived, as he was arrested a couple of hours later. And, as he left the clothes he wore during the robbery in the stolen Jeep—the police had no problem charging him with the robbery, as well as theft.

Apparently, he was unable to post the $500,000 bond, which one can safely assume was a good thing.

Would this make a good Polident commercial? The scene opens with a speeding car crashing into two other vehicles, then going through a fence and ending up in some landscaping where it finally comes to a stop. Boom! The airbags go off, dislodging the driver’s teeth, which fall the floorboard of the vehicle—clearly he wasn’t using Polident. But he doesn’t have time to stop—and heads out on foot—dentureless—in an effort to escape capture. Fleeing the scene of the accident. And the caption reads…well—I’ll leave that up to you.

In fact, it was the false teeth that enabled California police to identify 53-year old James Brown and arrest him for fleeing the scene of an accident and possession of a stolen car. Oh yes—did I mention the car he was driving was stolen? Might want to leave that out of the commercial—not good branding. One other minor detail—Brown, who also identified himself as James Hackett, had an outstanding escape warrant in Washington, D.C. 

Where did I leave that damn cell phone? Police in Maryland arrested 25-year-old Cody Wilkins after finding his cell phone charging at the scene of a burglary. Yes—true.

The story goes that Wilkins was in the process of robbing a house when the homeowner’s son came home. Needless to say this surprised Wilkins and he jumped out a window and took off. But without his cell phone.

The homeowner’s son called the police, as one does in this type of situation, and when they searched the house they found Wilkins’ phone plugged in and charging. It doesn’t take a MENSA member to figure the rest out.

Apparently, the Montgomery County police say Wilkins’ home was among those that lost power last week as a result of a snow storm. And, it turns out, Wilkins has a track record—arrest records show he’s been linked to other break-ins, so his bail was set at $1 million. That’s one expensive cell phone.

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Monday, February 7th, 2011 at 4:43 pm and is filed under Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.