On Disability by Day. Stripper by Night. It’s Totally Tortelicious

May 4th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them.

What was in that drink? Some woman in Chicago is suing a hair salon because she fell through their plate glass window from the sidewalk—the result of her attempt to kick (and presumably do damage to) her husband, whom she was fighting with. Now that’s attractive.

Did I mention she’d had a few drinks? Well, she had, and she did, mention it to the lawyer she hired that is. In fact that was her point—she claimed that the window should have been made of stronger stuff—fortified somehow—because it’s located on a sidewalk “frequently traveled by intoxicated pedestrians.”

Are you kidding me? What on earth was in her Kool-Aid? Sounds to me like she just likes to pick fights…

She won’t be jiggling out of this one. I think this one’s a little unfair. A waitress in Pennsylvania recently got nabbed for fraud for claiming disability while working at a ‘jiggle joint’. (Haven’t heard that one before).

She had apparently claimed she had a back injury, but was spotted by private investigators dancing at C.R. Fanny’s Gentleman’s Club (I love that term…) while taking $27,000 in disability benefits.

I don’t know, I think she demonstrated a very enterprising spirit. And, besides, I don’t think a perfectly healthy back is a primary requirement in that line of work…

What interests me is who hired the private investigators?

Hide and Seek—or would that be Seek and Hide? A 28-year old man was found hiding under a neighbor’s sport utility vehicle after stealing some prescription Xanax from his mother—and hey—the goods were stashed in her bra in an effort to prevent just such a situation.

Apparently she woke up to find him stealing the prescription medication. But the report doesn’t say whether she was wearing her bra at the time.

FYI—Xanax is benzodiazepine used to treat anxiety and panic. Getting a picture here?

The son, showing equal ingenuity, notwithstanding managing to squeeze himself under an SUV, had managed to get his hands on 22 pills and wrapped 15 of them in toilet paper then hidden them in his sock. When the police searched his room they found more pills and various drug-related stuff. So, he’s in jail with a bond set at $40K.

Well, maybe his mother will sleep a little better now…at least she won’t be interrupted.

Tags: Tortelicious

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