Unemployed? Skip the Bath and Start Suing! (It’s Tortelicous)

June 1st, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them. 

This fellow’s taken ‘get a job’ to a whole new level. Apparently well known in certain legal circles, 61-year old Richard Kreimer—homeless in New York—has filed a lawsuit against Amtrak in Philadelphia, alleging they had the police forcibly remove him from their station. 

Now, 20 years ago he tasted the sweet smell of success when he was awarded $230,000 in his lawsuit against a library in Morristown, New Jersey, which had thrown him off their premises—because he smelled. Badly. (Added tidbit: he subsequently ran for mayor of Morristown. Didn’t win.) In total, he’s filed something like 18 lawsuits against various businesses—restaurants, drug stores, public places—because they have all had him removed due to his body odor, he claims. 

See, after that first smell of success (no pun meant there), he figured out that he could make a bit of a living by filing lawsuits. Think I’m joking? The NY Post reports he was dropped from Medicaid because “he made too much money from settlements.”

Yes, rather than hit the Duane Reade on the main level of Port Authority (south wing!) for a bar of soap and then hit the loo on the same level to take a little leave of his b.o. (not that that wouldn’t get him kicked out either, but I’ve seen others do it), Kreimer takes ’em to court.

Having ridden a subway line for many years I can attest that body odor—all sorts of body odor—is not—make that cannot—be taken lightly. Too many cocktails or vivacious Vindaloo the night before and everyone in your blast radius is going to know all about it on the ride into work the next morning…and FYI—adding tons of perfume or aftershave just makes it worse—you know who you are. 

Anyway, where was I… 

Oh yes, Kreimer—so he’s up to 18 lawsuits and counting based on allegations that his civil liberties have been violated. What about the civil liberties of people who don’t smell bad and don’t want to smell other people who smell bad? It’s one thing having to suffer it on the subway or elevator, but quite another in a restaurant or library. You know, places you go to find a little quality time. 

But I better not go on in case I get sued.  A lawyer who once went up against Kreimer in court, and who spoke to the press recently on this matter refused to be named in case he got sued. “It’s legalized extortion,” he told reporters for UPI. He insisted on anonymity for fear of legal retaliation. “He’s exactly what’s wrong with the legal system.”

I would like to know if Kreimer cleans up before he goes to court…and maybe someone should hook him up with attorney Alfred Rava and that guy who was kicked off the plane for sharing his own aromatic charms…

Gimme Shelter? A 38-year old man who rescued a stray Rottweiler and was trying to find directions to the animal shelter, ended up getting arrested for drunk driving and was given shelter himself. I guess you could say the dog returned the favor, so to speak. 

Interesting thing is Oleksandr Nayda drove to the police station to get directions to the shelter. Bear in mind this was about 10:30 in the morning. Possibly a little too much vodka with the cornflakes. It happens. 

The police said that Monroe smelled like alcohol. (There’s that body odor thing again—I’ll bet he’s not suing.) Well, I guess he would, he blew 0.17—more twice the legal limit. You know, it’s a good thing they don’t do random blood alcohol tests on Friday mornings at the office. 

Anyway, poor old Oleksandr is being held in jail on $1,000 bail. The dog meanwhile, was taken to the shelter by a police officer. I think the dog is definitely has the advantage here.

Bank Robber Goes Green—Maybe not the best choice given his career. Some guy in Anchorage, Alaska got himself arrested last week, while fleeing the downtown branch of Wells Fargo Bank he had just robbed. Bit of an unusual chase though, he was on a bicycle. Not necessarily his, I’d venture a guess. Well, maybe he doesn’t have a car… or can’t afford the gas, which might explain why he was robbing the bank in the first place. 

Ok. maybe not.

In any event, according to the police, 45-year old Christopher Todd Mayer didn’t get very far. Now there’s a surprise.

Regardless the reason for his choosing a bicycle, Mayer’s getaway does have a touch of the Rambo thing going on. Maybe it was the camouflage bandana that gave him away, but he was spotted riding through an intersection a few blocks from the bank, so a police car was sent to intercept him. All this before lunch… talk about earning your salary… 

Anyway, old Christopher must have been fairly engrossed in his cardiovascular workout, either that or he was on drugs because he smashed straight into the cruiser, slid over the hood and landed on the road. At this point all the money in his knapsack spilled onto the road, so he got up and decided to head for the hills. A police Lieutenant caught up with him on foot about half a block away. High drama indeed. 

Interestingly, this guy hasn’t been charged—yet. He’s under FBI investigation. Maybe he is Rambo… the real one. 

Tags: Tortelicious

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