Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See Archive

Lawsuit: Fifty Shades of Grey Gel Misses the Big O

February 11th, 2015. By LucyC

Spent but not exhausted… Far from it in fact, if plaintiff Tania Warchol is correct. She’s filed  a lawsuit—are you ready—against the author of “Fifty Shades of Grey” and a British sex toy retailer for promoting Fifty Shades of Grey Sex Gel that does not live up to its promise of providing a “…a draining, soulgrabbing orgasm that leaves me spent and exhausted.” A quote apparently taken from the book.

Of course, it goes without saying that there could be several other reasons why Warchol failed to achieve the orgasm of lifetime (a widespread failing, I’m told), but we won’t go there, will we?

The consumer fraud lawsuit claims that author E.L. James and Lovehoney Ltd, among others, are peddling snake oil, essentially, and its subsidiaries are in violation of California’s unfair competition and false advertising laws by making misleadingly claims. (hey—everyone knows that writers never embellish).

The lawsuit also claims that the defendants use purported consumer endorsements as well as portions of James’ book to coax consumers into buying the product under false pretenses. Specifically, advertising for the over-the-counter “Fifty Shades of Grey Come Alive Pleasure Gel for Her”, claims to have beneficial and aphrodisiac properties to increase pleasure and enhance orgasms. According to Warchol, not so much. None of the ingredients in the product provide those benefits.

“Defendants prominently label the product as an ‘Intimate Arousal Gel,’ expressly and impliedly conveying to consumers that the product’s ingredients will help a user to experience heightened stimulation, pleasure and orgasm, despite that the product fails to be effective as an aphrodisiac,” the suit states. How are they defining aphrodisiac? I’ve always found a good red wine very helpful, taken orally, of course. A good lover is also helpful, but, in a pinch, not absolutely necessary.

While Warchol contends that the gel contains small amounts of extracts from organic substances including herbs and roots, some of which the defendants claim have an effect on the human body, it appears that not only are none of the ingredients effective as an aphrodisiac, but they may also cause an allergic reaction to genital areas. Oh, this is so going from bad to worse.

Even the FDA gets a mention, with Warchol claiming that Lovehoney didn’t seek US Food and Drug Administration premarket clearance required for patient lubricants that are used as accessories to condoms, Lovehoney is illegally marketing and selling the product at issue as “latex compatible.” No comment.

Warchol’s story is that she bought the pleasure gel at least twice in August 2014 at an Adam and Eve adult store owned by PHE Inc., another named defendant. While she relied on the defendants’ advertising, the product turned out to be “unsatisfactory,” she said. And that’s not subjective?

In case you’re interested in putting this stuff to the test personally, the “pleasure gel”, according to the complaint, is sold online and through retail stores for about $15. It is part of a larger group of products called the “Fifty Shades of Grey: The Official Pleasure Collection Approved by E.L. James.”

Bottom line, the truth really is stranger than fiction.

Posted in Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See | 1 Comment »

Daytripping, yeah…Hikers Saved and Sued by Rescuer

February 6th, 2015. By LucyC

If you go down to the woods today—be sure to tell someone where you’re going, dress appropriately, and carry some water and a well charged cell phone—oh—and don’t forget the methamphetamine, because you may need help finding your way home. Savvy?

Two kids—i.e. 18-year-old Kyndall Jack and 19-year-old Nicholas Cendoya from California went “hiking” (open to interpretation as you’ll see) in Trabuco Canyon in Cleveland National Forest, which, interestingly, is located just an hour outside of San Diego(?). They were carrying drugs and a cell phone—of course—I can see the selfies now. Guess they didn’t get the memo. Not surprisingly, they got lost, managed to make one emergency phone call before the cell died, and subsequently spent 4 nights in the canyon until they were rescued by some very well-intentioned folks. BUT—you knew there was a “but”—one of rescuers fell off a 110 foot cliff while searching for the “hikers.”

Volunteer rescuer Nick Papageorge’s (not sure if the apostrophe and the “s” are accurate as different media outlets are spelling the surname differently…I digress) fractured his spine, which required surgery to implant two titanium rods and 11 metal screws in his back, the Orange County Weekly reported.

Papageorge’s was looking for Kyndall Jack when he fell in April 2013. Apparently, Cendoya was found weak and dehydrated on his fourth night in the canyon, but Papageorge’s fell over the cliff before Jack was discovered the following morning, not surprisingly in a similar condition to her friend.

Papageorge’s medical bills were off the chart, so he sued Cendoya and Jack, claiming that they “headed out unprepared and unqualified to a remote and dangerous mountain area with the intent to take hallucinogenic drugs, knowing the likelihood of becoming disoriented, lost and requiring the subject rescue.” The lawsuit states that the hike wasn’t so much a “hike” as a “trip into the woods to smoke meth.” Ya think?

Papageorge’s sued under something called the Rescue Doctrine, which is a part of tort law that states if a person places herself in a situation where she needs to be rescued, and that situation is potentially dangerous, then that person is liable for any harm that befalls any rescuers. Good to know.

Poor Mr. Papageorge’s certainly suffered harm. The lawsuit stated that the teenagers’ actions were more than just negligent: Jack’s “willful conduct of placing herself in a recklessly dangerous situation caused the subject injury and devastation to plaintiff,” the suit alleged. Papageorge’s sued for in excess of $500,000 in medical bills.

FYI—Police later found methamphetamine in Cendoya’s car, which was still in the park’s parking lot. Cendoya pleaded guilty to possession of 500 milligrams of methamphetamine, according to Los Angeles’ KABC-TV.

According to the LA Times, Papageorge’s settled his suit with Jack for $100,000, which came from Jack’s mother’s homeowner’s insurance (bet she was pleased!). Cendoya had apparently already settled for an undisclosed sum.

Crazy stuff. But a happy PS—according to Papageorge’s attorney, Eric Dubin, Papageorge’s is “fully recovered and feeling great.”

Posted in Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See | 1 Comment »

Lawsuit: Serum did not Rub on Bigger Breasts

January 29th, 2015. By LucyC

Remember the tooth fairy? When you lose a tooth, if you put it under your pillow, a fairy will come in the night and replace your tooth with some money—you remember, right? Well, apparently, if you want bigger breasts, there’s a cream that you can use that will make them larger and firmer. And then all your problems will go away. If it doesn’t work—you can file a consumer fraud lawsuit and make more money than you spent buying the dodgy product in the first place. Note—if you got a nickel from the tooth fairy and she was a no show—there was no such recourse. But hey—times have changed.

US-based Talika is being sued by a women who claims the company’s breast enhancing cream did not live up to its advertising claims, and as a result, she wasted $60. Really?

Raisbel Pena who lives in the Bronx, not that that should have anything to do with her decision-making process, has filed a lawsuit in Manhattan against Talika—the maker of Bust Serum 2.0 for $5 million (that’s some exchange rate—spend $60 get $5M…) claiming that in her month and a half of use (I’m presuming she would have followed the instructions religiously) she did not see any progress. So, she’s suing for damages alleging she could have purchased a less expensive bust serum. No comment.

It’s false advertising and unfair trading—business as usual. According to Pena’s lawsuit, Talika’s “misleading marketing campaign begins with its “deceptive product claim” that after six weeks of use breasts will grow a cup size and also experience “push up effect” and be 70 percent firmer.

Ok—who’s on drugs here? Think about it, there’s a reason plastic surgeons live well.

“Both [claims] imply that the product is not just cosmetic in nature, but will actually cause physical alterations to breasts, including increased breast volume,” the lawsuit states. “[The] defendant’s exhaustive advertising campaign builds on this deception.”

According to Pena, she bought the product in 2014 and used it for long enough that she should have noticed the promised results, that is, if the cream did what the advertising claimed it could do, regardless of how well you followed the instructions. In any event, not surprisingly, Talika USA has yet to respond to the lawsuit.

I can’t help wondering what would happen if the cream actually did work…

Here’s the YouTube promo….

 

 

 

Tags: Consumer Fraud, false advertising
Posted in Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See, Emerging Issues | No Comments »

Monster Energy + Scruples Don’t Mix? (Just Ask the Beastie Boys)

January 23rd, 2015. By LucyC

Beasties vs. Monsters. That’s a headline copyright infringement lawsuit circa 2014. And who won? Well the first round went to the Beastie Boys. But—their lawyers are heading back into the ring for round two. This time—over legal fees. Monster Energy—no stranger to lawsuits—was found guilty by a federal judge in Manhattan, of using the Beastie Boys’ songs without their permission to market their energy drinks. Take what you need and pay the piper later—if you need to? Nice. But it seems that’s the way Monster rolls…an appropriately named business.

The back story? The rappers from Brooklyn took Monster to court over the drink manufacturer’s use of five (FIVE!) of the group’s songs for a 2012 promotional video of an event called “Ruckus in the Rockies.” The video included the group’s 1994 megahit “Sabotage”. 

As anyone who follows the Beastie Boys knows, the rappers don’t shill. Let’s not even get into the fact that Monster didn’t ask BB if they could use the songs. Wait—there’s more—in an act of mindboggling gall, tastelessness, and just outright ‘profit where you can’, Monster added the words “RIP MCA” at the end of the video’s credits: Beastie Boys member Adam “MCA” Yauch passed away days before Monster’s marketing event. He died of salivary gland cancer at the age of 47. All of this without the Band’s knowledge (I’m guessing here) or permission.

So, the group sued Monster. They won. The jury awarded surviving band members Adam “Ad Rock” Horovitz and Michael “Mike D” Diamond, and the wife of the late Adam “MCA” Yauch $1.7 million: $1.2 million for unauthorized use of their songs and $500,000 after finding Monster liable for false endorsement.

Cut to present day—a second suit has been filed seeking $2.5 million in legal fees. According to The New York Post—one of the group’s lawyers said the firm and its associates performed 4,227 hours of work on the case at a “reduced” rate that ranged from $675 to $840 depending on each lawyer’s rates. The $2.5 million ask included nearly $100,000 in expenses the firm claims it spent representing the rappers.

The rapper’s lawyers summed it up this way: “Monster failed to engage in good faith negotiations to resolve this m​matter and repeatedly sought to increase the cost of ultimately litigating this matter.”

Monster has admitted wrongdoing but believes it should be liable for no more than $125,000, based on the video’s viewership. The company says only about 13,000 viewers saw the four-minute video before it was pulled off YouTube. They’ve been drinking the koolaid.

According to The Post, Monster’s lawyers filed legal papers urging the Judge to deny an injunction request by the Beastie Boys, saying Monster already removed the video and has no plans to ever show it again. Really—you think? How considerate.

Tags: Beastie Boys, Lawsuit, Monster Energy
Posted in Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See | 2 Comments »

Why Do this Guy’s Girlfriends Want him Dead?

January 16th, 2015. By LucyC

It must have seemed like a good idea at the time. Or not. In any event, one 57-year old social worker from Brownville, New York decided she’d had enough—enough of her daughter’s ex-boyfriend, and father of her two-year old grandson, so she hired a hit man to kill him and feed him to the crocodiles. (Would I make this up?) Luckily for the ex—the “hit man” turned out to be an undercover detective and mamma has been arrested and charged with both second degree criminal solicitation and conspiracy in the second degree.

Melisa Rae Schonfield tried to hire Detective Dave Pustizzi to kill Erneto Negrillo, a resident of Florida. Pustizzi was also supposed to be the one serving Negrillo to the crocs. Nothing vague about those intentions.

Apparently, a tipster gave the Jefferson County Sheriff’s Department a heads up about Melisa Schonfield’s plans. “We got a tip from a concerned citizen,” Detective Dave Pustizzi told HuffPost. According to court documents, Schonfield, met the undercover detective posing as a hit man at a Walmart parking lot in Watertown. What is it with Walmart parking lots? 

Schonfield had the readies—she agreed to pay the undercover detective $11,000 for Negrillo’s murder, according to police. She suggested the best way to dispose of the body would be to “throw it to the alligators,” police said. She told the supposed contract killer that her husband, a Watertown dentist, was aware of what she was doing and “even made a smart remark about her getting caught,” according to the court documents. Mrs. Schonfield was taken into custody after giving the undercover officer a $5,500 down payment, police said. I wonder what the fee was for feeding the crocs? Of note, neither the daughter or her father have been implicated in the attempted “hit”.

Needless to say, Negrillo is shocked, and Alexis Schonfield—the ex-girlfriend—is also equally stunned.

“It’s just f–ked up,” 36-year old Negrillo, told The Huffington Post in an exclusive interview. “I don’t know why she would want to kill me. I haven’t spoken to her in a long time.” Maybe that’s why…

Negrillo and Alexis parted company in 2012, reportedly, with Alexis moving to New York with their young son. Negrillo stayed in Florida—in retrospect—not such a bad idea.

According to HuffPo, Negrillo said he had no recent issues with anyone in the family. “I wasn’t fighting” for custody, he said. “It was already settled.”

As for the murder plot, he said, “I have no idea why. I can’t believe she went this far.” Ah—just how far would have been acceptable?

“The only thing I can say, because I am a mother, is she was trying to protect my son and she got tired of watching me cry,” 31-year old Alexis said. “I’ve been an emotional basket case the past two years.” Had anyone thought of therapy?

But here’s the kicker—Alexis said she learned of her mother’s arrest on Facebook. Seriously. “I had no idea what was going on,” she said. “I thought she was going to go visit her friends in Rochester over the weekend. When I found out, I was in shock.” Bet the friends in Rochester are relieved.

Schonfield said her “on and off again “relationship with Negrillo was volatile. “I think emotional and verbal domestic abuse is a big joke to people … [but] it’s just as bad as physical violence,” she said. “It’s just that the scars are not visible,” she told HuffPo.

There’s a weird twist here, though, which is that this is not the first time Negrillo has allegedly inspired someone to want to kill him. Three years ago he was attacked by the  pistol-wielding husband of yet another an ex-girlfriend, according to HuffPo. The husband clubbed Negrillo twice on the head with a .38-caliber pistol and a shot was fired during their struggle, police said. Negrillo was treated for head wounds. The not so lucky husband is reportedly awaiting trial on an assault charge. Has anyone here heard of talk therapy?

“He came to kill me,” Negrillo told HuffPost. “He attacked me with a gun and everything. It got ugly and I defended myself.”

While we might be tempted to think this guy is either very unlucky or has some really bad juju going on, Negrillo sees it quite differently. In addition to being grateful to the police, he said “God really looked out for me. He really did.”

He feels sorry for Melisa Schonfield.  “It didn’t have to go this way—she didn’t have to do what she did,” he said. “She ruined her reputation and now there’s no grandma in the picture for my son. I feel bad.”

Posted in Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See | 2 Comments »