Totally Tortelicious Archive

Quentin Tarantino Bird Lawsuit: Angry Quentin App Potential?

March 22nd, 2011. By LucyC

Inspiration for a Quentin Tarantino Version of ‘Angry Birds’? Possibilities abound: mini Quentin’s catapulting over a neighbor’s fence—precisely targeting a multi-tiered scaffold housing perched Macaws. Sure to show up on your app marketplace any time soon. But I leap ahead too quickly…

What do you think of when you hear the name Quentin Tarantino? Film director famous for films such as “Kill Bill”—which is not short of violence and loud noise—possibly?

Well, it seems he can dish it out but not suck it up. He’s suing Alan Ball, the Oscar-winning writer of “American Beauty”, creator of the TV hits “Six Feet Under” and “True Blood,” and his neighbor. The problem? Some “blood-curdling” “pterodactyl-like screams,” emanating from Ball’s house. The source? Ball’s exotic bird menagerie.

What did you think it was?

According to a report in The Telegraph, Tarantino says the macaws are interfering with progress on the film he currently working on and that Ball has “done little to eliminate the daily cacophony.”

Apparently, the six-page complaint states, “The defendants know that their birds issue blood-curdling, prehistoric-sounding screams.” Tarantino filed last week in the Los Angeles County Superior Court. It reportedly goes on to state “Though one might assume that, as a fellow writer, Mr. Ball Read the rest of this entry »

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Paramedic Sued after Taking Severed Foot – for Dog

March 15th, 2011. By LucyC

Waste not Want not—or not—maybe? A former Florida paramedic is being sued for ‘stealing’ a foot—or as she claims, what was left of a foot, that was severed from its owner during a car crash.

The tale goes that Cynthia Economou—who used to work as a fire fighter and paramedic for the St. Lucie County Fire District—admitted taking the mangled appendage that belonged to Karl Lambert, believing that she could use it to help train her cadaver-sniffing dog. Lambert had had his foot severed in a car a wreck on I-95 on September 19, 2008.

Apparently, Economou believed that the foot couldn’t be reattached to the owner, and rather than see it going to waste, she took it home, as one does (?). In her words, “It was an unrecognizable mass of flesh,” she said. “It wasn’t a clean cut. You couldn’t even recognize it as a foot…if I had thought it was somehow reattachable and usable, I would have gone to my commander.” You know, that might have been a good idea regardless, because Lambert is now suing her.

According to court documents recently filed, Lambert’s attorney, Jack L. Platt, declared Economou’s behavior as “outrageous and went beyond the bounds of decency,” as well as “odious and utterly intolerable in a civilized society.” For her part, Economou pled no contest to petty theft charges in Read the rest of this entry »

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Looking to Rip Off Lady Gaga? At Least Don’t Make her Gag

March 8th, 2011. By LucyC

Gag me—Baby Gaga Milk just Ain’t Right. Just when you thought the news couldn’t get any weirder…Wrong. That is if we’re talking ‘entertainment news.’ This story involves Lady Gaga—the latest harbinger of all that is cool. She has filed a lawsuit against the Icecreamists—an ice cream parlor in London (UK)—over their recently introduced “Baby Gaga” brand of ice cream which is made from human breast milk. 

Just what exactly is wrong with the petroleum by-product most of us have been happily consuming for decades? 

But hey—it’s not the source of the ice cream that’s the problem, but the name, which Lady G reportedly claims in her suit, is ‘riding on the coattails’ of the singer. Isn’t that a mixed metaphor? 

Anyway, the owner of the Icecreamists sees things differently—stating that he thinks of the new ice cream flavor as a tribute to the 24-year old pop icon. “We named it ‘Baby Gaga’ because she’s the queen of ‘shock and roll,'” O’Connor told AOL News when the flavor was introduced February 25.

And he’s embracing the controversy—after all—there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Given that the ice cream was only on sale for a few hours before it was confiscated by Westminster City Council, O’Connor’s going to need all publicity he can get—coz it won’t be the Baby Gaga ice cream that’s generating sales.

So—it’s infringement of intellectual property that’s at issue here, although Lady Gaga isn’t keen on the idea of human breast milk ice cream—calling it ‘nausea inducing.’ Kind of ironic given that she’s turned up for a public event in a dress made of meat. Maybe these two should get together and open a catering business. 

All in the Family at the Police Station. Another shocking tale from Old Blighty—this one’s about a father who was arrested for slapping his boy in the head. It just so happened that the father was at Read the rest of this entry »

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Bet you can’t Shoplift $50 from Wal-Mart

February 28th, 2011. By LucyC

But $42.82 does go a long way at Wal-Mart…Police in New Jersey had a rather interesting encounter recently with a shoplifter who, when apprehended, explained that ‘his friends made him do it’. That is, he lost a bet, the penalty for which was to steal $50 worth of merchandise from Wal-Mart—or run naked through the streets.

Bit of a no-brainer as to which option he thought less challenging. But it turns out that 58-year old Irwin Krakow has, in addition to some lousy friends and poor judgement, a wee problem with math. He only stole $42.82 cents worth of stuff. 

Apparently he later admitted to the police that he regretted his choice of penalty—because the fine for running naked through the streets “would have been smaller.”  If he’d done his naked sprint during a snow storm chances are pretty good he wouldn’t have been arrested. In fact, it’s entirely possible he could have become a social media phenomenon. He could have become a celebrity and had a whole new career, done the talk show circuit, appeared on the Oscars, signed big fat product endorsement contracts, signed a record deal, done his own video, run for mayor, and pretty much retired in a couple of years, before the whole thing got too old. Oh well. Maybe next time. 

Weighty matter, costly matter? As for this guy, well, what can I say but ‘good luck mate’.  A Read the rest of this entry »

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Bare-Naked Bingo Weiner Bandit Video Released

February 22nd, 2011. By LucyC

Can’t hide that sausage! A man in Florida—34-year old Joshua Ryan Abernathy—decided to liberate some wieners and himself simultaneously. Freed of all encumbrances, specifically his clothing (and any limiting attitudes—or good taste) he walked, naked, into the Mariner’s Cove Club House in Estero, FL, on January 7, 2011. He apparently grabbed some napkins, a first aid kit and some wieners (thank God he remembered the napkins) and proceeded to walk around the clubhouse. Of course the whole thing (pardon the pun) was caught on surveillance video. But it wasn’t until the following day when an employee at the club noticed the sausages were missing—they were meant for Bingo Night (oh boy!) that the police were called.

The employee had watched the video and recognized the man…hmm…saying that he “possibly stays in a wooded area located west of Mariner’s Cove.” It just gets better.

Abernathy’s been charged with burglary and petty theft. This week, authorities released a censored version of that video (above), which has been posted on The News-Press website. I wonder if he could sue for the unauthorized use of his image…the payout might keep him in wieners for a while.

Dying wish? Sadly, this tale really does bring home the old adage, ‘be careful what you wish for’…Once again, we find ourselves in Florida where a man met his end while teasing his girlfriend to “go ahead and shoot me.” 

The couple was having a fight (no kidding) when 57-year old Robert Lee Gilbert dared his girlfriend to pull the trigger on her antique gun. Antique? Fully loaded and ready to go? Ah—maybe not. 

Poor old Robert—he must have been very persuasive because his girlfriend did what he asked—she pulled the trigger and blew his face off. He’s dead, and she’s facing manslaughter charges. Why does this stuff never happen on “The Antiques Road Show”? 

Is your dog your best friend? I’m betting this guy is rethinking the whole relationship thing with his dog right now. The man, who is nameless, apparently, was pulled over in his pickup with Read the rest of this entry »

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