Floatin’ in Manure, Drive-by Darts & the 911 Taxi: it’s Tortelicious

April 27th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 

Talk about being in the s#!t. A man in north-eastern Indiana tried to hide from the police in a liquid manure pit—yup—neck-deep in a combination of dog and hog feces. Eewww. This is the stuff nightmares and reality TV shows are made of… 

The fellow was wanted on methamphetamine charges and was trying to lose the police. Somehow he ended up on a farm near Albion, and decided to take the plunge. Apparently he was hiding in the liquid manure pit for at least an hour. I wonder if he had to tread watery-manure to stay afloat? (ohmygod…this doesn’t bear thinking about). 

Anyway, the police hauled the 52-year old out of the crapper so to speak, arrested him and took him to hospital where he was treated for hypothermia before being taken to jail. No doubt the police would have had to hosed him down before putting him in the squad car. I guess this is the stuff they don’t tell you about when you join ‘the Force’.

This story is anything but pedestrian(s)…As a driver, I can think of several reasons why pedestrians frankly, are a pain (except when I’m on foot, of course). However, one woman in Wisconsin got a little carried away in fulfilling her anti-pedestrian fantasies. 

Forty-one year old Paula Wolf was arrested while driving her black minivan, following reports from several pedestrians that they had been hit with some sort of flying object while walking down the street. 

Paula would likely have gotten away with her random attacks, had it not been for a rather astute victim who saw the dart being shot from a pipe that was sticking out of a window in the van. That would certainly give you pause—long enough to get hit. 

Apparently, Ms. Wolf, who eventually confessed to shooting several people, none of whom were seriously injured, told the police officers that she “liked to hear people say ouch.”  Is that really the best excuse she could come up with?

Can’t find a cab? Call 911. That’s what some enterprising partier did in an effort to get home from a nightclub in New Haven, Connecticut. And this young lady was persistent. Twenty-eight year old Quandria Bailey apparently had trouble making the police understand the urgency of the situation, because she called the emergency services number six times asking for a ride home. The dispatcher must have wondered what the heck was going on. 

Presumably the police did pick her up in the end, because she was charged with six counts of misuse of the 911 system. And some poor plonker had to get out of bed at the crack of pre-dawn on a Sunday morning and pony up $1000 to get her out of jail. I don’t think so. 

All this has resulted in the New Haven police issuing a warning to the public not to follow suit—just in case there was any doubt in the public’s mind as to the real purpose of 911. Maybe they ought to define the term ’emergency’  because it seems to mean different things to different generations…

Tags: Tortelicious

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