Granny, in Bit of a Pickle, Offers Officer Grilled Cheese

October 4th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them. 

Occifer Not Biting Granny’s Grilled Cheese. Most police officers who have pulled people over on suspicion of drunken driving have likely heard all kinds of excuses and been made all sorts of offers by the drivers in an attempt to get out of any potential charges. But this Grandmother (God help the grandchildren) has, I think come up with something completely original. 

Sixty-five year old Elsie Wright O’Connor tried to bribe her way out of a DUI charge by offering to make the arresting officer a grilled cheese sandwich. 

I wonder if that included a dill pickle… 

Dear old Elsie, needless to say, failed in her attempt to persuade the officer that depriving society of a grandmother and the maker of a rather good grilled cheese are reasons enough to drop the charges. Hey, maybe he’d already eaten. Maybe he’s lactose intolerant…maybe she should have offered him a choice—egg salad and tuna fish are usually pretty popular. 

But from the sound of it, the evidence was rather damning. Another driver, obviously ignorant of Elsie’s status and talents, reported her vehicle to the police as she nonchalantly swerved her way down the highway. When she was pulled over, Marion County Deputy Calvin Batts reportedly smelled a wee something on her breath—which he quickly surmised was in some way connected to the one and a half empty Skyy Vodka bottles rolling around in her Cadillac SUV. Enter the offer of a grilled cheese sandwich.

“Come on now, I’m a grandma, can’t you do something for me since I’m not that bad,” Batts said O’Conner told him. “I could have brought you back to my house and made you a grilled cheese sandwich.” That’s assuming they survived the trip there. Elsie failed her sobriety test—her blood-alcohol level was more than three times the legal limit of 0.08. Kind of gives “go like Granny” a whole new spin…

“It’s a Deer—it’s my Friend—no it’s a Deer”…Randy Pritchard, one not-so-alert 40-year old Florida resident with a bit of a passion for deer hunting, shot his friend in the arm with an arrow—as you do when you think your friend is a deer. And he hadn’t been drinking. 

Apparently Pritchard was in his tree stand (things hunters use to provide them with a sight advantage) in Jennings State Forest about 10 yards away from some palmetto bushes when he saw something in the bushes move. So—without taking into account the fact that his friend was not obviously present—he shot his arrow into the bushes—hitting 36-year old John Whigham in the forearm. And he also suffered a puncture wound in his lower back. Oops.

Pritchard realized pretty quickly what he had done and started calling for help, which arrived in time to avoid disaster. Whigham was taken to hospital and underwent surgery, and he will survive.

Maybe Pritchard should consider taking up a different type of ‘sport’—something involving a Wii maybe…safer for everyone…

Well, the First Step is Admitting it… And back to the drinking and driving theme—what’s your first clue this guy might have a problem? His T-shirt that proudly proclaims “I have a drinking problem.” Yeah. That’s a ‘must wear’ item on pub night. Especially if you’re driving.

But drinking may not be James Johnson’s only problem. He slammed his pick-up truck into a house while possibly driving drunk, and when the police showed up, he reportedly gave them a long song and dance about a pack of dogs fighting in the back of his pick-up truck. Problem was—there were no dogs in the back of his truck. Could it get any worse?

Uhh, He’s Only Part-Owner… And finally, a man from Florida was busted for stashing some drugs up his backside. What a bummer (sorry, I couldn’t resist). But Raymond Roberts was not going to be charged for drugs that weren’t his. Apparently police found cocaine and pot during a cavity search, but Roberts claimed that only the pot was his. “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.” 

I hope he charged enough in storage fees because he’s going to need some help on this one.

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Monday, October 4th, 2010 at 5:47 pm and is filed under Emerging Issues, Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.