Man Impersonates Sheriff for 911 Towel Service

September 7th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them.

Hotel 911. I like this guy. Demonstrating a finely tuned sense of humor, I would say, a homeless man in Portland, Oregon made himself at home in a suburban homeowner’s hot tub for about 10 hours. Long enough to get good and wrinkly, and cold. So Mark Eskelsen called 911 and requested delivery of some towels, hot chocolate, and a hug. Ok—that’s my line in the sand.

But Eskelsen, obviously smart enough to know that an upfront request for these items would likely be met with any number of disadvantageous responses, identified himself as the sheriff of Washington County, when he called 911 from his cell phone. Cell phone? He must pay a fortune in roaming charges…(oh—was that a groan I heard?) And he asked for medical help. “I just need a hug and a warm cup of hot chocolate with marshmallows in it.” Seems reasonable to me.

Not so to the police, who could have spent their time catching the real bad guys. They arrested Eskelsen for second-degree criminal trespassing and improper use of 911. What is this thing with 911?

Texting for Tokes? And a little more insanity. There is a school of thought that says teenagers have no common sense, and after reading this story, I have to agree. A 16-year old in Montana texted, accidentally (??), the local sheriff asking if he could buy some marijuana. “Hey Dawg, do you have a $20 I could buy right now?”

Just curious, but how many teenagers do you know that have the local sheriff’s contact info stored in their cell phones?

Anyway, Leo Dutton, the Lewis and Clark County sheriff to whom the request was sent, of course responded obligingly. He arranged a meeting with the boy—posing as the dealer.

And right on time the boy, his 15-year old friend and one of the boy’s fathers, who was apparently blissfully unaware of junior’s taste for the odd joint, showed up outside the appointed venue. When the detective introduced himself and showed them his badge, one of the boys fainted. Are you kidding? Sounds like he could have used a joint before he left the house. No citations were issued—so common sense did prevail in the end—exercised by the adults.

Hot Wheels in Motown. And then there’s the Mayor of Detroit, who had the tires of his car stolen while the vehicle was parked outside a condominium complex. The spin doctor in charge of media liaison—read damage control—is quoted as stating “It’s a microcosm of a larger challenge that we all have the responsibility of addressing.”

Larger challenge? That’s an interesting use of terminology. I wonder if there’s a criminal charge for ‘larger challenge?’… “Man arrested and facing charges for being part of ‘larger challenge’ late last week in downtown Detroit.”

Ironically, a similar ‘larger challenge’ happened about a week later, this time affecting Dr. Jesse Jackson and entourage, who were promoting ‘green jobs’ in Detroit. He had his not so green Cadillac SUV stolen while he participate in Saturday’s Jobs, Justice and Peace Rally in downtown Detroit. The fossil-fuel burning Cadillac SUV was found later on—minus its wheels. I think the disconnect between green jobs promotion and using an un-green Cadialliac SUVs also represents a larger challenge. Isn’t that kind of like flying into Washington DC in the company jet to ask for bailout money?

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Tuesday, September 7th, 2010 at 9:16 am and is filed under Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.