Man vs. Jar Lid became Man v. Del Monte and Kroger

November 23rd, 2010. By LucyC

Well, after trying the usual tactics of running the lid under hot water and then hitting it with a rubber handled tool, a man in Michigan lost his battle with a fruit jar lid. He was apparently knocked unconscious when the lid exploded off a jar of Orchard Select mixed fruit and hit him in the face. Gotta watch those plums. 

“It happened so fast. I just had no time to react… I staggered, lost consciousness and fell to the floor. I eventually screamed for my wife,” 56-year old Darryl Alexander said when interviewed during a deposition.

The poor guy ended up in hospital with eye damage and subsequently sued Del Monte Foods of San Francisco and Cincinnati-based Kroger Co. All this happened in 2008. 

Now, over two years later, Del Monte and Kroger have offered Darryl Alexander $150,000 to settle his lawsuit—to avoid going to court. The offer is “not an admission that defendants are liable,” said the attorney for Del Monte and Kroger. But Alexander’s lawyer has said the offer is too low because his client has suffered permanent eye damage. I’m betting that was the last jar of Orchard Select the Alexanders bought.

It seems baring all does pay off after all. A former executive in Ireland was recently awarded the largest libel settlement in Irish history—$14 million. Donal Kinsella, a married father of six, claimed that a press release issued by Kenmare Resources, a London- and Dublin-based mining company had ruined his reputation and turned him into an international laughing stock.

What had he done? Turned up at a colleague’s hotel room door three times in one night stark naked. Stories about the incident went viral on the internet—of course. However, Kinsella claims he had been sleep walking, a fact, it turns out, that was not mentioned in the press release. The incidents occurred in Mozambique in 2007. Kinsella had been drinking and taking painkillers—always a winning combination—before he fell asleep. The next think you know—he’s taking a walk down the hall in his birthday suit. I wonder how he found his way back to his room.

According to British media reports, the settlement is so enormous even the judge appeared surprised. “On Thursday, Justice Eamon de Valera asked the jury whether he had read the sum correctly. He ordered that only about $680,000 (500,000 euros) could be paid while the company appeals,” Britain’s Daily Mail reported.

As for attorneys for Kenmare Resources, they’ve said they would file an appeal, calling the award “off the Richter scale.”

Well, maybe Kinsella could use some of his settlement—whatever the amount turns out to be—on some decent sleeping pills.

A $3 million definition—it’s all in the semantics. A trained acrobat in New York City has filed a federal lawsuit against New York’s finest because they gave him a ticket for riding his unicycle on the sidewalk.

Kyle Peterson was pulled over on a Brooklyn sidewalk at 3 a.m.—not the busiest time of day—or is that night? While the summons was promptly dismissed, Peterson is now seeking $3 million in damages. He claims that while the City code prohibits bicycle riding on sidewalks, the law only refers to a “two- or three-wheeled device.” Ergo his rights were violated. So what happens with go-carts and skate boards?

Tags: Del Monte, Kroger, NYC, Tortelicious, Unicycle

This was posted on Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010 at 10:19 am and is filed under Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.