Police are on the Trail – And How! It’s Tortelicious…

December 21st, 2010. By LucyC

Happy Trails to you…! How not to spend your retirement…Apparently bored with the more conventional past-times afforded retirees— you know—bridge, golf, internet dating—a former police chief of a small Los Angeles County suburb has been accused of spreading  nude pictures of himself and exposing himself near hiking trails, according to local officials.  

“Nothing in this job surprises us anymore,” Anaheim police Sgt. Rick Martinez told AOL News. “You never know…as long as these people come from the human race, anything is possible.”  Uh—where else would they come from? Does this guy know something the rest of us don’t?

Fifty-six year old Paul Lawrence Wadley (shown here), who retired in June, took to spreading pictures of male and female genitalia along a hiking path in Anaheim. Problem was he left his fingerprint on the back of one of them. Apparently he also took to doing the trail semi-naked on his hands and knees. Oh, that’s attractive. 

So Wadley has been charged with one count of indecent exposure. According to Martinez, Wadley is out of the country and he thinks it’s possible that the ex-chief doesn’t even know he’s been charged. And yes—he’s still at large, and could be coming to a hiking trail near you, for that all-natural close encounter you really don’t want. 

Time to reconsider the treadmill…

Getaway choice got him nabbed. (Though I think this clueless wonder would’ve been nabbed regardless…) More weirdness in Florida this week—some fellow robbed a Winn-Dixie of 11 packages of meat, and tried to escape on a store-supplied electric shopping scooter. Now that was bright. Inspired? No, make that delusional.

Louis Lorensen’s getaway vehicle of choice probably didn’t do over 5 miles per hour, but hey—it moves, and so he believed he wouldn’t be caught. Unfortunately, Mr. Meat-to-Go somehow managed to run over the foot of a 4-year-old boy during his harried escape on the electric cart. So he lost his public sympathy points.

The police did catch Lorenson, on foot no less. Lorenson, not prepared to give in, apparently challenged the arresting officer to a fistfight, and took a swing at the patrolman, missing—no surprise there. And, when the cuffs were removed he threatened the officer with a ‘sound thrashing.” Really? Where do these people come from again? 

No good deed goes unpunished… A little story from Maryland this week demonstrates the best and the worst. Forty-six year old Jim Hart, and 33-year old Khalil Abusakran were recently fined for not being properly-kitted out good Samaritans.  

They were driving by the Patapsco River, which was partially frozen over, and saw a doe struggling in the ice. Demonstrating the better side of humanity, they felt compelled to save the animal, and so put their inflatable boat in the river and did just that.

But they were later fined for not having life vests aboard their inflatable. So that cost them $90 each. Can you say “cash grab?”

Talk about getting taken for a ride. A 26-year-old Minnesota man recently drove his mother’s tenant to the bank as an act of kindness, thinking she was going to get the rent. Instead, the 70-year old woman robbed the bank. Now that’s what I call making good use of your resources. 

According to employees of the Elysian State Bank an “elderly woman” told one of the tellers that she had a gun, and demanded money. She walked out with $3,700, according to the Star Tribune.

Sandra Leaann Bathke left the bank and got back into the Jaguar driven Luke Even Weimert, and they drove off, at a leisurely pace.

The bank’s vice president, being quick-thinking, followed the car and was able to provide the police to with a description of the car and licence plate number.

The Star Tribune reports Bathke was charged Thursday with first- and second-degree aggravated robbery, simple robbery and theft—all felonies. Last reports indicate she was in the Le Sueur County jail, awaiting her court appearance.

Well at least she doesn’t have to worry about the rent anymore.

Tags: Tortelicious

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