She was Hot, Sweaty, Dirty and Very Slippery (yep, it’s Tortelicious)

June 29th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them.

But did she Stick to the Car Seats? Is there something in the water? Is the moon full? Are we witnessing the birth of a new social movement? This is the second car theft involving nude or partially nude women that I’ve seen in the last two months. Maybe it cuts down on the drag—speeds up the get away? Whatever the reasoning—it’s not very solid—as both women got caught. Unlike Brandi Smith, the woman who stole a bottle of wine in Nevada—who was only topless (yes, now it’s only), Sylvina Beagley our latest nude car thief, raised the bar—or would that be lowered?—She stole two cars, starkers, before being tasered (was that really necessary?) and subsequently arrested. 

Ms. Beagley, apparently in her thirties, stole the first car from a highway worker who was posting a sign on the side of the road. She stopped the car she was currently driving, got out and stole the highway worker’s vehicle. So, in the tradition of the best Charlie Chaplin or Buster Keaton skits, the road worker got into Beagley’s car and chased her down highway 111 somewhere in or near West Valley, Utah. 

The road worker managed to contact the local police who tracked her down. Imagine calling that one in… 

So two police were dispatched and took up the chase. The traveling party eventually came to a standstill in the woods. The officers attempted to arrest Ms. Beagley but failed, according to police reports, because the sweat and dirt on the woman’s body prevented the officers from getting a good grip on her (seriously, that headline above is a quote from the police captain). Ok, I’m not touching that one. 

Beagley managed to escape in the police cruiser—making it a whopping 50 or so feet before crashing into a dirt berm. Maybe all that dirt and sweat made it difficult to hold the steering wheel… no matter…end of chase. I guess this is when the police decided to use tasers. She was arrested, handcuffed, taken to the police station and forced to dress. The ultimate punishment! 

Well, maybe not. Ms. Beagley is currently awaiting trial, having been charged with two counts of felony theft, felony flight, and one count of public lewdness. 

I love this—the West Valley, Utah police chief reportedly said that the incident was “beyond normal.” Ya think? 

Where’s Cam Tran When you Need it?As for these poor fellows—well—let’s just say they were directionally challenged in more than one way. Not only was their choice of career lacking direction, so was their actual ability to carry out the crime. 

Some ‘thieves’, and I use the term loosely, in Johnstown, PA recently stole an undisclosed number of GPS units from unlocked cars. They ran into a slight problem during the getaway phase, however, when no one could remember where they had parked! 

Hey—maybe their car got stolen…

Whatever. 

They wandered the neighborhood aimlessly, apparently, until they were arrested. What? They couldn’t afford bus fare? 

Speaking of public transit…For all you subway fare beaters out there—this one’s for you. In an act of, I believe, unprecedented organization—even for the French, Paris metro riders, fare-beating metro riders that is, recently got together to create a fund from which they can pay their fare beater fines—which in Paris is roughly the equivalent of $60 per offense. Of course they can only use the fund if they get caught. 

I guess the odds must be with them because the annual contributions must be less than the cost of a regular pass or paying per trip. How very French. “Storm the Turnstile!”I wonder who’s managing the fund?

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Tuesday, June 29th, 2010 at 9:27 am and is filed under Emerging Issues, Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.