Posts Tagged ‘ Legal Humor ’

Crazy Sh*t Lawyers See: Social Angst, the Illusory Sentence, and Blame Nike

March 20th, 2014. By LucyC

Ok—brace yourselves…it’s the “never a dull moment” side of lawyering. Regardless of whether it’s in a courtroom, a conference room or even a jail cell, lawyers surely see all kinds of crazy sh*t. And deal with it, too…

Let’s take this offline…Never mind cyber bullying—some folks like to keep it a bit more real. Two men engaged in a dispute over a Facebook post have taken to bricks and guns. No, it wasn’t a multiplayer Minecraft moment—these two went for the real deal! According to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office in Phoenix, AZ, 22-year-old Zachary Heath Belitz faces a disorderly conduct charge based on accusations he threw a brick at the home of a Facebook group administrator.

The admin’s crime? He posted an item about Belitz’ upcoming trial on indecent exposure charges involving multiple women. Whoops. That posted tidbit had the potential to reach close to 15,000 people on FB—not including shares. Keep in mind, it’s not like the indecent exposure charges had not already been reported by multiple news outlets last fall… (fyi, Belitz goes to court on April 15)

Not content to let law and order take its course, sheriff’s officials say the Facebook administrator—Eric Woodson, who heads up the local FB page “The Neighborhood Watchers”–ran outside with a shotgun and fired twice at a truck, presumably with Belitz inside, who fled the scene. No one was hurt. It wasn’t known whether Belitz has an attorney yet for this latest hiccup. He might be looking for one–any volunteers?

Texas Style Justice? In 1977, Jerry Hartfield was convicted and received the death sentence for murder in Bay City, Texas. Seems straight forward enough. And, like a good prisoner, he has subsequently served 37 years, presumably without incident. But there’s a problem. (You knew that was coming). It seems that Hartfield’s sentence was actually overturned in 1977. BUT, in 1987 the governor at the time commuted Hartfield’s sentence to life in prison, before Hartfield was able to demand his release. Say what?

It might be worth mentioning here that court documents describe Hartfield as being illiterate with an IQ of 51. Back to the story…

Cut to 2006 – a fellow inmate convinced Hartfield to apply for a retrial—based on the grounds that his sentence was illusory—there was no sentence to commute! The motion for retrial has since been granted, and Hartfield is set to go to court this April.

While attorneys representing Hartfield call their client’s treatment a blatant violation of justice, the prosecutors have actually suggested that Hartfield himself is to blame for his 30 year stay in prison. And no, I am not making this up.

And it just keeps getting crazier…

Just Do It Baby! Twenty-six year old inmate and former pimp Sirgiorgio Clardy recently decided to take matters in to his own hands. Doing time in Oregon for beating up a john who failed to pay, he has now handwritten a $100 million lawsuit naming Nike as the defendant. Not connecting the dots between pimp + john + jail + Nike? Ok, here we go…

Clardy claims that Nike inadequately marketed its Air Jordans—the ones you wear to “be like Mike”. See, Clardy was wearing a pair when he stomped and kicked the john using a “dangerous weapon” – the Nike Airs. He apparently maimed the john’s face. Clardy quite naturally believes that because Nike allegedly failed to label its shoes as dangerous weapons, the company is partly to blame for his incarceration. Where the heck’s the ATF weighing in on this one?

Clardy’s rap sheet has more sheets than a roll of Scott’s toilet tissue—and as such, he’s seen the interior of a court room a fews time before. (That’s him, strapped into a chair in court, in a picture that first ran in The Oregonian.) Lawyers within an arms’ length radius of him have been spit on and threatened, according to reports, and one judge who figured out that Clardy might have a tough time seeking willing counsel, appointed a legal advisor. Wasn’t long before he cried uncle and got off that case. (That’s the legal advisor, sitting at a safe distance, in the foreground of the pic.)

Yep. Lawyers see plenty of crazy sh*t.

 

Tags: Civil Court, Crazy Lawsuit, Criminal Court, Defense Attorney, lawsuits, Lawyers, Legal Advisor, Legal Humor, Personal Injury, Public Defender, Weird Lawsuit
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