Posts Tagged ‘ Tortelicious ’

Sears Lawsuit: DieHard Confused with Sex Delay Spray?

April 18th, 2011. By

The Sex Spray…

900 Cold Cranking Amps in your Crotch? Question: What do a car battery marketed by Sears and a male numbing agent have in common? Answer: A name. Well, not just any name—the name Die Hard—or is that DieHard? You know—as in the Bruce Willis movies. 

And why is this relevant to you? It’s not—necessarily. But Sears Roebuck and Co, thinks it could be. In fact, they think the similarity in names could be confusing—and that you may have difficulty in telling the respective products apart. Just to be clear—those products are a car battery and a “numbing agent for male genitalia.” 

 

So, Sears, and its subsidiary KCD—the company that owns the name DIEHARD, are suing RockHard—the makers of Die Hard—over the matter. 

The federal suit, filed last week in Chicago, reportedly states that RockHard Laboratories’ Die Hard product is “calculated to deceive the consuming public into believing that defendants’ products have a relationship with plaintiffs and plaintiffs’ goods and services.”

The Battery. Separated at Birth?


According to a report on WLS 890AM—the suit states that “the defendants’ conduct is likely to cause confusion, mistake, and deception of the purchasing public insofar as purchasers would incorrectly be led to believe

 

that defendants are affiliated with, related to, sponsored by or connected with plaintiffs,” the suit argues.

OK. I give up. What possible benefit could there be in that for the defendants? What thinking person is seriously likely to believe that strapping a car battery to his backside is going to improve his sexual performance? Or, that KCD/DIEHARD, under which Sears sells the batteries, auto parts, hats and boots—is seriously likely to branch out into male sexual enhancement products? Maybe there’s a role for the hats and boots—but as for the rest of it—I think that’s a bit of a stretch (pardon the pun). 

But hey, what do I know. 

As for RockHard, it has apparently been marketing the Die Hard ‘numbing agent’ since 2010. Just as an aside, I’d be rethinking the name—lawsuit or not. It hardly invokes confidence. Think about it. 

Apparently, RockHard Laboratories stands accused of not one, not two—but eight federal crimes, including trademark infringement, unfair competition and deceptive trade practices. Sounds like RockHard is about to get stiffed. 

Once Bitten Twice Robbing? A 33-year old man who was arrested in Glendale after biting a police dog—who he claims bit him—is now suing the police, alleging that the dog violated his civil rights, and used excessive force to capture him. Okee dokee. 

Erin Sullivan, the dog biter, was attempting to escape the police during a burglary investigation in Glendale, when, I’m guessing, the dog took control of the situation. Of course the fact that Sullivan was breaking the law by committing a robbery seems to have escaped him. The police claim that Sullivan injured the dog when he bit the pooch.  

The lawsuit reportedly names the cities of Phoenix and Glendale and four officers as defendants. Sullivan was apparently hoping to get $200,000 from Glendale and $250,000 from Phoenix. Sounds like the robbery is still in progress, even though Sullivan is currently serving an eight year sentence for the physical crime.

Purse Snatcher Can’t Get Away, Calls 911. So, who should you call if you find yourself in a bit of a jam—being chased by an irate woman whose purse you just snatched, and an eyewitness driving a snow plow? Why, 911. Of course. 

Eighteen year-old Cody Bragg was recently sentenced to nine years in prison for the purse snatching. He had grabbed the purse from a woman in a parking lot outside Wal-Mart in Alliance, Ohio. But he clearly got more than he bargained for and called 911—telling the dispatcher “There is this guy in a snow plow that is following me, and, uh, he’s scaring me.” 

I think it’s only a matter of time before there’s an App for 911.

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Spring Break Munchies? Whopper Melee over Jr Whopper Delay

March 29th, 2011. By

March Madness and People Behaving Badly. Make that Very Badly…

Out of Bounds at the BK Lounge. Ok—we know that people’s attention spans appear to be getting shorter—but this is ridiculous. A 31-year old woman got so fed up with waiting to collect her order at a Burger King in Panama Beach, FL that she hopped over the counter and began attacking the counter staff. Yup. That’s really going to speed things up.

Thirty-one year old Kimesa Smith had ordered a Whopper Jr, and fries, and somehow decided that having waited for 20 minutes was just not acceptable. So, “We tore the Burger King up,” she reportedly told investigators. “I don’t play no games.” Good thing really, as she doesn’t seem to play well.

Apparently, she threw food at employees and struck workers with a jar that was on the counter and full of coins meant for charity. She also jumped onto the counter and pulled a manager’s hair.

And not to be left out—it seems some of the customers got involved as well, as a YouTube video—that’s it up top—bears witness, by throwing napkins around and even a chair. It should be mentioned that some of the patrons were in the area on Spring Break, as was Smith.

Of course the Panama City Beach police were called—having nothing better to do—and managed to get things under control. Smith was the only person charged—with misdemeanor battery. Ex post facto, she racked up additional charges of felony criminal mischief with damage exceeding $1,000, disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

Apparently, she said she would have gone to Taco Bell if she’d known she wasn’t going to be treated fairly—whatever that means.

I think this makes a good argument for using the drive-thru…or better yet—ordering pizza.

Maybe the “Dead” Part was Going too Far? What would you do if your 19-year old daughter Read the rest of this entry »

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Quentin Tarantino Bird Lawsuit: Angry Quentin App Potential?

March 22nd, 2011. By

Photo: Field and StreamInspiration for a Quentin Tarantino Version of ‘Angry Birds’? Possibilities abound: mini Quentin’s catapulting over a neighbor’s fence—precisely targeting a multi-tiered scaffold housing perched Macaws. Sure to show up on your app marketplace any time soon. But I leap ahead too quickly…

What do you think of when you hear the name Quentin Tarantino? Film director famous for films such as “Kill Bill”—which is not short of violence and loud noise—possibly?

Well, it seems he can dish it out but not suck it up. He’s suing Alan Ball, the Oscar-winning writer of “American Beauty”, creator of the TV hits “Six Feet Under” and “True Blood,” and his neighbor. The problem? Some “blood-curdling” “pterodactyl-like screams,” emanating from Ball’s house. The source? Ball’s exotic bird menagerie.

What did you think it was?

According to a report in The Telegraph, Tarantino says the macaws are interfering with progress on the film he currently working on and that Ball has “done little to eliminate the daily cacophony.”

Apparently, the six-page complaint states, “The defendants know that their birds issue blood-curdling, prehistoric-sounding screams.” Tarantino filed last week in the Los Angeles County Superior Court. It reportedly goes on to state “Though one might assume that, as a fellow writer, Mr. Ball Read the rest of this entry »

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Paramedic Sued after Taking Severed Foot – for Dog

March 15th, 2011. By

Waste not Want not—or not—maybe? A former Florida paramedic is being sued for ‘stealing’ a foot—or as she claims, what was left of a foot, that was severed from its owner during a car crash.

The tale goes that Cynthia Economou—who used to work as a fire fighter and paramedic for the St. Lucie County Fire District—admitted taking the mangled appendage that belonged to Karl Lambert, believing that she could use it to help train her cadaver-sniffing dog. Lambert had had his foot severed in a car a wreck on I-95 on September 19, 2008.

Apparently, Economou believed that the foot couldn’t be reattached to the owner, and rather than see it going to waste, she took it home, as one does (?). In her words, “It was an unrecognizable mass of flesh,” she said. “It wasn’t a clean cut. You couldn’t even recognize it as a foot…if I had thought it was somehow reattachable and usable, I would have gone to my commander.” You know, that might have been a good idea regardless, because Lambert is now suing her.

According to court documents recently filed, Lambert’s attorney, Jack L. Platt, declared Economou’s behavior as “outrageous and went beyond the bounds of decency,” as well as “odious and utterly intolerable in a civilized society.” For her part, Economou pled no contest to petty theft charges in Read the rest of this entry »

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Looking to Rip Off Lady Gaga? At Least Don’t Make her Gag

March 8th, 2011. By

Gag me—Baby Gaga Milk just Ain’t Right. Just when you thought the news couldn’t get any weirder…Wrong. That is if we’re talking ‘entertainment news.’ This story involves Lady Gaga—the latest harbinger of all that is cool. She has filed a lawsuit against the Icecreamists—an ice cream parlor in London (UK)—over their recently introduced “Baby Gaga” brand of ice cream which is made from human breast milk. 

Just what exactly is wrong with the petroleum by-product most of us have been happily consuming for decades? 

But hey—it’s not the source of the ice cream that’s the problem, but the name, which Lady G reportedly claims in her suit, is ‘riding on the coattails’ of the singer. Isn’t that a mixed metaphor? 

Anyway, the owner of the Icecreamists sees things differently—stating that he thinks of the new ice cream flavor as a tribute to the 24-year old pop icon. “We named it ‘Baby Gaga’ because she’s the queen of ‘shock and roll,'” O’Connor told AOL News when the flavor was introduced February 25.

And he’s embracing the controversy—after all—there’s no such thing as bad publicity. Given that the ice cream was only on sale for a few hours before it was confiscated by Westminster City Council, O’Connor’s going to need all publicity he can get—coz it won’t be the Baby Gaga ice cream that’s generating sales.

So—it’s infringement of intellectual property that’s at issue here, although Lady Gaga isn’t keen on the idea of human breast milk ice cream—calling it ‘nausea inducing.’ Kind of ironic given that she’s turned up for a public event in a dress made of meat. Maybe these two should get together and open a catering business. 

All in the Family at the Police Station. Another shocking tale from Old Blighty—this one’s about a father who was arrested for slapping his boy in the head. It just so happened that the father was at Read the rest of this entry »

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