Posts Tagged ‘ Tortelicious ’

James Bond Week at Totally Tortelicious

March 29th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.  

Master of a Walther PPK 7.65mm, but not a Twitter Handle…Apparently MI5—the infamous British spy agency and would-be employer of James Bond—is firing its Bond-generation agents for failure to get up to speed with social networking technology. 

So, part of the job description for international spies and hit men could read “In addition to being able to infiltrate hostile government infrastructure, carry out black ops and assassinate without supervision, the right candidate will have the ability to build their own Facebook group, utilize Twitter and develop appropriate MySpace content.” Seriously? 

I find this utterly depressing. 

Anyway… back to the story… 

Apparently one Jonathan Evans, the director-general of MI5, said “he’s concerned the agency is being held back by older agents (age discrimination anyone?) who don’t understand the world of computer technology. ” To quote a report on UPI, “MI5 has about 3,500 agents and plans to have 4,100 by next year. Many of the new agents are in their 20s and 30s.” 

Ah, but can this lot make a half decent martini? 

Speaking of James Bond… A UK plumber who apparently had had enough with traffic congestion and lack of road manners (and who apparently had a tad bit of a Bond fascination), managed to create an anti-tailgating flame-throwing device for his scooter. The device spewed flames at the flick of a switch. OK—who hasn’t had fantasies about installing something like this on their car or motorbike? Be honest…

Needless to say it all ended badly, with Mr. Furze, the developer of the flame thrower—that’s him at right (photo:REX) —being arrested. Well, it Read the rest of this entry »

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Overheard at the Dentist: “Suction…ok, now Jumbo Paper Clip”

March 23rd, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal items making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 

102 uses for paper clips? Thinking about getting knocked out next time you go to the dentist? This little tale may give you pause to rethink the “I don’t want to know” approach. Apparently a dentist in Massachusetts, one Michael Clair, got caught charging Medicaid for stainless steel posts used in root canals when he was in fact using paper clips. Yes, paper clips. Who knew? I don’t think they were the multi-coloured plastic ones. 

Clair’s ploy was to hire dentists for his clinic and file claims under their numbers because he had been suspended by Medicaid in 2002. The state attorney has charged Clair with assault and battery, larceny, submitting false claims and illegally prescribing drugs. Not a bad little rap sheet for a dentist. 

But seriously, if this is what a dentist can dream up in his spare time, what use could a surgeon find for this apparently underutilized little stationery item? 

MySpace at YourPlace? Ok—we all know that the younger generations are practically hardwired for social media—but this 17-year old has absolutely set a new standard. He broke into a furniture store in Washington state and raided the cash register. So far, so predictable. But before he left, he thought he’d better check his MySpace page—I mean he could have had an urgent, life-changing message—it’s possible—or more likely a bet with a friend.  Problem was he used the store computer to log on. 

Needless to say the police had no problem tracking him down. 

Is there a charge for being criminally stupid?

Maybe he Wuz Just Jay(Z)walking? A 33-year old concert-goer in Pittsburgh is being charged with criminal mischief and criminal trespass, after breaking into a house and crawling into bed with Frank Fontana, the homeowner—whom he was not intimately acquainted with. In fact, the two had not met up until that moment. (Talk about getting outside your comfort zone).

This reportedly happened at about 5:30 in the morning, and the trespasser was looking for shelter after going to a Jay-Z concert at the Mellon Arena. (He can afford a ticket but not bus fare home?) 

The homeowner thought his surprise visitor might be a girlfriend who has a key to his place so, he quite reasonably asked his new bedmate “Is that you honey?” I guess the “No it’s not” response, in a male baritone, came as a bit of a shock.

As for charges—criminal trespass I get, but criminal mischief—it doesn’t sound like anyone got up to much. Fontana kept the intruder at bay with a baseball bat until the police arrived. I wonder what they talked about…

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Blimpie’s, Seagram’s and the IKEA Kitchen: Tortelicious Goes Foodie

March 4th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre lawsuits making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.  

C’mon, You Call that Stacked?

So here’s a skill-testing question—when is not enough simply too much? 

The answer—when you’re not getting what you paid for. At least that’s how a couple of folks from Illinois see it, so they’re suing Blimpie.

Yes, Blimpie is being sued for fraud over its Super Stacked subs. The rub? The sandwiches don’t contain the amount of meat they’re supposed to. The suit is based on nutritional information, apparently. Here’s the math: a regular 12 inch Blimpie Best has 50 grams of protein, but a 12 inch “Super Stacked,” which is advertised to have double the meat, has only 73 grams of protein—that’s if you only count the meat.

If you count the cheese (the kind you eat), there’s 10 grams of protein (based on a double serving) but, I guess that’s just not the same if you’re a meat lover. 

It’s the first time I’ve heard of a super stacked failing to satisfy… 

Puhlease…That Kitchen is so Off-the-Rack. It appears that, contrary to real estate’s golden rule #1, not all kitchen renovations can add value to your property, and in some cases may even land you in court. Last week a “wealthy Icelandic couple” was sued for installing an “ugly kitchen” in their up-market rental apartment at the Gramercy Park Hotel in Manhattan. Guess what—it was an Ikea kitchen…oops. Time to cringe: they even have how-to-install vid’s on youtube—ouch!

I was under the impression that ‘ugly’ and ‘attractive’ and all esoteric values in between were strictly a matter of individual taste—beauty is in the eye and all that. But no, apparently not.

At least not according to the kitchen Nazis—or would they be design Nazis? The lawsuit reportedly claims the kitchen was unsuitable for such a luxurious home. What does that mean? Laminate was used instead of stone? MDF instead of Mahogany? $30k instead of $150K?

I guess the courts will have to define “unsuitable for such a luxurious home,” unless of course the ad men for Ikea can beat them to it…my money is on the ad men. 

Ok…Who’s been Slingin’ back the Seagram’s with the Psychic? And continuing on in the ‘spirit’ of the bizarre…The heiresses to the Seagram liquor fortune, Clare and Sara Bronfman, filed suit against their former financial planner recently, over allegations that she divulged their personal financial information and other confidential information to lawyers and media outlets, as a retaliatory act. Thing is, the financial planner apparently obtained most of the information from a psychic.

The obvious question is, how competent was this financial planner if she had to go to a psychic to find out what was going on with her clients? Or, who’s been blabbing about their finances to the psychic in the first place? Hell, I’m all for psychics, but seriously, is this one that good? I’m thinking all these folks have consumed a little too much of the house kool-aid.

Tags: Blimpie, Bronfman, Gramercy Park Hotel, IKEA, Seagram, Tortelicious
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Totally Tortelicious: 3 Years of Going Bananas…and then some

February 24th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.  

Neighbors goin’ Bananas… Brighton, UK: Amanda Millard was recently convicted, by UK magistrates, of breaching a noise abatement notice, for playing the theme from the cartoon series the Banana Splits so loudly it could be heard a block away. And, she did this for three—yes three—years. Ohmygod. Pass the sedatives. Have you heard the theme from the Banana Splits? Here’s your chance…

The neighbors had complained to the appropriate authorities, which I feel, showed remarkable restraint on their part. (The more appealing options are all illegal). And Millard was subsequently warned by letter to keep it down. She gave into silence for a little while, but soon returned to her bad habits. This time, however, she varied the repertoire slightly by adding The Animals’ “House of the Rising Sun” and Bob Marley’s “Buffalo Soldier”—all played at full volume of course. 

In her defense, she reportedly argued that her stereo wasn’t of good enough quality to generate Read the rest of this entry »

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Servin’ up Heart Attacks…it’s Tortelicious if not Delicious

February 16th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 

The Battle of the Burgers.

Ok, this is pretty sick—literally. According to a report in the media, a rather bizarre lawsuit has been filed by a hamburger joint in Arizona—the Heart Attack Grill—against a burger joint in Delray Beach, FL, called Heart Stoppers Grill, claiming that Heart Stoppers stole the idea for promoting and selling its deadly dishes from the Heart Attack Grill. Well, I suppose anything’s possible.

The names of the menu items are remarkably similar with the Heart Attack Grill offering the Triple Bypass Burger and Jolt Cola (I could use one of those about now), and Heart Stoppers selling the Heart Stopper Burger and Chili Chest Pain Fries. Heart Stoppers apparently promises free food to any patron who weighs over 350lbs. Yeah—that’s smart. Not. What happens when some person does end up having a heart attack after eating a meal there and sues the restaurant?

Maybe one of these guys should open up a Salad Loop next door—you know—diversify…

Mistaken Identity—That’s Mistaken Spelt with an “A”…

Christina Fourhorn of Sterling, CO, ended up spending several days in jail until her husband could raise $3,500 to bail her out. Her crime? Those unpaid parking tickets? Nope. In fact, her arrest actually had nothing to do with her Read the rest of this entry »

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