Posts Tagged ‘ Tortelicious ’

Idiots Give New Meaning to Snow Job and Get Caught

January 25th, 2011. By LucyC

Here’s a short list of some of the dumber things would-be crooks got up to around the country recently.

Can you name 10 things you shouldn’t do in a snow storm? I’ll bet you can—but I’ll also bet that robbery wouldn’t be one of the items that made your list. But there are three hapless teenagers who now know first-hand that it ain’t a bright idea.

An 18-year old youth, referred to as Darian O, and his two buddies aged 17 and 16, used their initiative to rob motorists stranded in the snow in Kansas City, MO. Nope. Not kidding.

Imagine—you’re stuck in your car in the snow—or trying to dig it out—when these three kids come up to—you would think to offer their assistance. But no—it’s ‘give me your money! and possible watch, credit cards, CDs, iPod—whatever you got.’

As fate would have it, Darian O. and friends also got stuck in the snow—their car wasn’t going anywhere—as if in some kind of inspired protest. The police caught up with them and charged them with robbery. I hope they have to shovel the jailhouse exercise yard for the rest of the winter!

PS—this is something one likely shouldn’t do at all—regardless of the weather.

Well, those cop cars do have red lights on top… Here’s another 911 story—this one about a man in North Carolina man who was arrested after he phoned 911 while trying to find a prostitute. Apparently, he asked the Lexington Police Department for “a non-emergency domestic escort.”

Ok—I don’t even want to imagine what an emergency domestic escort scenario would involve…

As it turns out, the fellow did get an escort—in a black and white car—the kind with flashing lights on top—all the way to the jail. Charges? Misusing 911. What is it about 911?

To press “TALK”, or not to press “TALK”? And another skill-testing question—if you’ve stolen a cell phone should you answer it—if it rings?

A couple of would be purse-snatchers didn’t know the answer to that question, as they sat, phone ringing on the car seat next to them, providing information to the police officer who had just pulled them over.

One of the officers—the one in the squad car—called the cell phone—and it started ringing while the suspects sat next to it in their vehicle. Cute.

Nassau County Detective Sgt. John Giambrone said that when the officer made the call, the stolen phone was “on the front seat of the car, in plain view, inside a white paper bag from an Italian restaurant.” I guess that sealed the deal.

So you can buy the beer or go to jail… the police officer said to a 30-year old man who had just stolen a 30-can pack of Budweiser. Well, maybe not exactly those words, but ‘Bud Man’, of Tulsa, OK, was offered a choice. And he chose—to take off in his car.

Don’t know if he was caught. But I would imagine he did need a drink after that little altercation. 

Least they waited for the Rose Parade to be over…And finally, a couple of bright fellows in California hatched a plot to steal a brass lamp that sat atop a historic light pole in Pasadena. Who knows.

Frank Bise, 44, and Steven Dickinson, 52, were caught—my guess would be because the job couldn’t be done quickly, quietly or without involving some heavy equipment. Apparently, recycling centers and scrap yards pay a pretty penny for brass lamps. I’m guessing these two are not career criminals…

Tags: Tortelicious
Posted in Totally Tortelicious | No Comments »

Refurb Vacuum with $280K Worth of Illegal Extras

January 19th, 2011. By LucyC

What’s inside your vacuum? A woman in Green Bay, WI found 2 pounds of crystal methamphetamine and 2.2 pounds of cocaine. Shrink wrapped mind you—not loose. That was considerate, considering what a mess it could have caused.

The woman said she had been given the refurbished vacuum as a Christmas present from her children— where do they shop?

The local department store, as it turns out. In fact, the vacuum was refurbished in that well-known region of Mexico—Juarez—purported home to career mass murders and drug traffickers—then packed and shipped without triggering any kind of alarms. Lt. David Poteat told the Green Bay Press-Gazette that no one noticed anything untoward, including the department store where the vacuum had been purchased. It wasn’t until the woman opened the box the vacuum came in that the ‘bonus items’ were discovered.

Officials estimate the street value of the booty at $280,000. Good thing the stuff wasn’t stored in a blender instead. That would certainly have made an interesting ‘power drink.’

Valet parking at the hospital—really? While some hospitals do offer valet service, they typically have a sign or two up—and even a little valet booth. So I’m thinking this one’s a case of ‘if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.’ A pregnant woman in Massachusetts who was experiencing labor pains and decided, Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Tortelicious
Posted in Totally Tortelicious | No Comments »

Burglar gets in, gets Loaded, gets Stuck

January 11th, 2011. By LucyC

Looks like 2011 is off to a good start in the “are you kidding?” category.

And I’m Wasted And I Can’t Find My Way Home…I really don’t know where to start with this one. A 44-year old would-be—no—make that actual—burglar called the cops because he needed help getting out of the house he was trying to rob.

John Finch of Wilmington, Delaware (that’s him as he appeared on-screen at CBS/Philly news), broke into a house he had in fact broken into before. Not uncommon. However, the homeowner was obviously expecting a repeat performance and had the locks changed. The new security system required a key to unlock doors and windows, from the inside as well as the outside, apparently. So Finch was forced to climb through a window to gain entry. No idea how he figured that out.

Anyway, so far, so good from Finch’s perspective. And the party just got better once he had gained entry—because he discovered a fully stocked bar.

But, all good things must come to an end, as the saying goes. And after Finch had managed to empty three bottles of gin and two of whiskey he decided this party was over with and tried to leave. Not surprisingly, he couldn’t find his way out of the house, and was too drunk to crawl back out the window he had come in through.

So he called 911 for help. Now that would have been an interesting call.

The police came, they saw, and they arrested Finch, for both burglaries, then they took him to the hospital. Inspiring, isn’t it?

Can He Make It 5 For 5? This guy must really need the money. So far he’s robbed four banks in Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Tortelicious
Posted in Totally Tortelicious | No Comments »

iPhone as Deadly Weapon? Mmmaybe Not

December 29th, 2010. By LucyC

Don’t Drive Up, Drive Right Thru the ATM! Here’s an alternate approach to breaking the bank. A man in Jacksonville, FL, decided to hit the ATM before Christmas…using his bulldozer. That would have attracted attention, no doubt. And of course he got caught—but not without putting up a fight. 

Thirty-one year old Robert Anderson used his frontloader to rip open a VyStar ATM near Marietta, and he was successful in getting some cash. However, during his getaway he allegedly tried to run over a police officer. A move not recommended, for a number of reasons. The police claim that Anderson didn’t stop when they tried to pull him over. Instead, he put the bulldozer in reverse and drove toward one of the officers. Problem solving is obviously not this guy’s strong suit. 

In any event, he was caught, and is now being held in jail. He is being held on grand theft charges having made off with an unspecified amount—something between $20,000 and $100,000. His wife misses him very much and wishes he was home for Christmas—so their children can spend Christmas with him. Well, they can always visit him. 

Armed with a Deadly iPhone? Does your iPhone have the restaurant robbery app? This guy’s does. Twenty-year old Jerome Taylor, from New London, CT, tried to rob a Northern Indian restaurant the Wednesday before Christmas, but rethought that plan on the fly, when the Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Tortelicious
Posted in Totally Tortelicious | No Comments »

Police are on the Trail – And How! It’s Tortelicious…

December 21st, 2010. By LucyC

Happy Trails to you…! How not to spend your retirement…Apparently bored with the more conventional past-times afforded retirees— you know—bridge, golf, internet dating—a former police chief of a small Los Angeles County suburb has been accused of spreading  nude pictures of himself and exposing himself near hiking trails, according to local officials.  

“Nothing in this job surprises us anymore,” Anaheim police Sgt. Rick Martinez told AOL News. “You never know…as long as these people come from the human race, anything is possible.”  Uh—where else would they come from? Does this guy know something the rest of us don’t?

Fifty-six year old Paul Lawrence Wadley (shown here), who retired in June, took to spreading pictures of male and female genitalia along a hiking path in Anaheim. Problem was he left his fingerprint on the back of one of them. Apparently he also took to doing the trail semi-naked on his hands and knees. Oh, that’s attractive. 

So Wadley has been charged with one count of indecent exposure. According to Martinez, Wadley is out of the country and he thinks it’s possible that the ex-chief doesn’t even know he’s been charged. And yes—he’s still at large, and could be coming to a hiking trail near you, for that all-natural close encounter you really don’t want. 

Time to reconsider the treadmill…

Getaway choice got him nabbed. (Though I think this clueless wonder would’ve been nabbed regardless…) More weirdness in Florida this week—some fellow robbed a Winn-Dixie of 11 Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Tortelicious
Posted in Totally Tortelicious | No Comments »