The Rat in my Beer Lawsuit and other Tortelicious Gems

April 6th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them.  

Sabor Con Caracter…and then some: What would you do if you opened a bottle of beer and found a rat’s head floating around inside? A firefighter in Texas, who media reports describe as “A retired, litigious Texas firefighter,” decided to sue the makers of the beer. 

Everett Johnston reportedly found a rat’s head in a bottle of Tecate Light (not light enough for the rat, apparently), which has caused him such severe psychological trauma—two years out mind you—that he is now unable to look after his elderly father (maybe his father should count his blessings…). 

Johnston wants a cool $1 million for his pain and suffering. Are you kidding me? How on earth did this guy make into the fire department in the first place?

And—of greater wonder—how on earth did a rat’s head manage to fit through a roughly 20mm wide hole to get into the bottle of beer in the first place? We’ve all heard stories of mice and rats navigating through tight spaces—but a rat’s head on its own? Kinda hard to navigate and slither through a tight space when you’re dead and minus a few limbs, no? 

All I can say is that must have been the mother of all rats’ heads… 

The Devil’s in the Details…Some bright spark incarcerated (and apparently in a bit of a stupor) in an Ohio prison decided to set up a little business on the side, to help him pass the time.

His business plan involved his mother smuggling drugs into the prison…of course. So, he writes his mother with instructions on exactly how to do this. Only, he puts the wrong postal code on the letter, and, surprise, surprise, it was returned to sender.

Now, the prison reads all mail sent to inmates—so you can imagine what happened when they read that letter. 

I guess this guy won’t be getting an MBA while he’s inside.

New Lawsuit Category: Sh-t and Fall. A fellow in Norfolk who stepped in some doggy do do while shopping in a PetSmart store is suing the retailer, claiming he slipped on the feces, hit the floor, and knocked his teeth out. (Yuk.) 

And the magic number for the lawsuit is? $1 million…what is it with $1 million? 

Interestingly, PetSmart is arguing that they were not negligent because dog poo is a fact of life in a pet store: “There’s always going to be accidents,” a spokeswoman said. Really? I don’t recall having to navigate my way through isles littered with excrement when I go shopping for pet food. But hey—maybe I’m going to the wrong store…

Tags: Tortelicious

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