The cycle of life dictates that you begin life as a child, and you close out your life child-like. In that sense, you may need the same kind of constant care in your twilight years, as you did as a child. You may need help to be fed, washed, and dressed. You may need to be changed. You may be approaching the finish line, just as dependant on your caregivers for everything.
However, there is one difference: as a child, you went home every day after school. If a teacher, an elder, a schoolyard bully was inflicting pain and doing harm to your child, you knew about it.
But in busy households, with families and day to day responsibilities of their own, the children of nursing home residents may not get in to see their loved ones every day. Perhaps once a week, or a few times a month might be more realistic.With no one minding the store, an abusive nursing home employee can sometimes get away with murder.
Make no mistake, there ARE top-notch nursing homes out there, with a dedicated staff well trained and properly supervised. Abuse by employees is not tolerated. As for the lofty goals and ideals promised in the introductory brochures, and outlined as the tenets of the facility, they deliver.
But sadly, there are bad apples. Or there are bad employees in good homes. One study in California found that 23 per cent of the State's nursing home facilities were compliant with federal regulations governing quality care. That's it. 23 percent.
In 2001, 1600 nursing homes in the US were cited for abuse. That translates to about a third of all such facilities in the country. What's more, over a two-year period spanning 1999 through 2001, 5000 facilities were cited for 9000 abuse violations.
It's tough to work in a nursing home. As an employee you are caring for individuals that behave, and have needs consistent with children. Only they are not small babies. They're adult-sized, and sometimes quite large. Eldercare is a challenge, and best carried out by individuals who have an honest and natural empathy for the elderly.
But how often does that happen? How empathetic are employees? When it's just a job, and you probably feel you're not making enough, the water heater just blew up at home and you're having a bad day at the office, where does the frustration land?
Usually with the resident. That resident could be your mother or father, someone who has worked hard all their lives, sacrificed so you would have a better life. The person, who cared for you, took you tobogganing, helped put you through college and always remembered your birthday, when you sometimes forgot theirs.
Yes, you want the best for them, and you carried out due diligence in selecting the place where they would get the care they deserved.
But are you getting what you pay for? And is your loved one safe?
There are signs you can watch out for: unexplained injuries, or a condition that the caregiver cannot account for. Look for open wounds, cuts, bruises or welts. If your elder reports mistreatment, of being slapped or forced to stay (read locked) in a room, you have grounds for a complaint.
If your loved one does not appear to be himself, it may be a sign that some kind of mood-altering drug or chemical restraint is being used. Perhaps too much medication is being given, or not enough. There should be a record of all meds administered, when and with what frequency. Ask to see them.
Look for signs of neglect: bed sores that won't go away, poor hygiene, chronic infections, or unsanitary conditions.
And then there's verbal abuse. Don't under-estimate verbal abuse. The mind is a powerful thing. When an elder is happy, it's amazing how she can rally physically. The opposite--depressed, downtrodden and anxious--can have a real bearing on physical well being, as well as emotional. Watch for signs of emotional withdrawal and non-communicative behavior, or unusual behavior of any kind. While elders can suffer from dementia and other emotional and psychological traumas, it may not be the only cause. If your loved one begins to suddenly act out, or withdraw, it could be a sign of verbal or emotional abuse.
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Where possible, make yourself a constant, watchful presence. If you have questions or concerns, seek answers. And if you're not satisfied with what you're seeing, hearing or feeling in your gut, pursue the matter through legal channels, if necessary.
There are laws that govern the conduct of nursing homes, and thereby the safety, health and well being of your loved one. Regardless of whose footing the bill financially, some due diligence is never too high a price to protect someone who has earned her pleasant and peaceful keep.
Nursing homes are no place for bullies. And unlike the school ground, the bullied cannot fight back....