Ontario, CanadaDawna had been smoking 15 years when she decided to take Chantix [known in Canada and other places as Champix] to quit. She knew someone who had successfully used the drug to quit smoking and was hoping for the same result. Unfortunately, Dawna experienced serious problems while she was taking Chantix and is now afraid to try quitting again.
"In February 2008, I started to quit smoking," Dawna says. "I used the patch for almost a month and then I started on [Chantix]. After I began using it, I started to get really angry and depressed. I suffered from shortness of breath and went to the hospital because I thought there was poisoning in the car—that shows how delusional I was. I thought there was exhaust leaking into my car and that it would kill me, so I went to the hospital completely paranoid.
"One night there was a really big snowstorm. I drove home really upset because I tried calling home and no one answered, so I thought my husband was out in this bad storm. I was crying my eyes out while I was driving home—I honestly thought 'I want to kill myself.' This continued the 2 months I was on [Chantix].
"I blew up at people at work, which is really not my style. I'm normally happy go lucky but I was having temper tantrums like a five year old. Luckily, they know me better than that at work. I was angry all the time and I had fights with my husband—we never fight. I was not myself. I just wanted to crush my car into a tree. Every drive home was a nightmare. I was in a really dark place. I had completely unfounded thoughts. I thought about leaving my husband, even though we were newly-weds.
"I know the warning signs for suicidal ideation, so I have an idea how to handle it. Because I was a depressed teenager I knew what was going on, but I thought if I quit taking the drug, I'd start smoking again.
"I went to San Francisco to get my head straightened out. I holed up in a hotel room, worked on some writing and went off the pills. When I left San Francisco, I was in much better spirits. But, about 2 days later, I bought a pack of cigarettes again. So I'm smoking again.
"I'm too scared to quit again. The feelings snuck up on me—I would hide in the bathroom and cry in the shower. I punched a wall and I'm not a wall puncher. At work, I had no drive. I'm in sales and I consistently have top sales, but during that time I had no inclination to do any business whatsoever. It took away all of my motivation. I pulled away from friends; I wouldn't go out because I didn't want people to see me like that. I didn't call my mother or my family or anyone.
"The reason I started [Chantix] is that my manager quit on it and was fine. But for me, it was dangerous. If I didn't know the signs of depression and suicidal thought, I wouldn't have known what was happening. You can put whatever you want on a warning label, but people who are depressed don't know it. An unhappy person can't distinguish what is going on. It seems natural to want to crash your car into a tree."