2 Clueless Wonders & Taking the Fire to the Fire Dept: It’s Tortelicious

May 11th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them. 

Stick-Up Note Provides Dietary Fiber…Almost. A 40-year old woman in Ohio was recently arrested for trying—unsuccessfully—to rob a bank. After reading the story, one could safely say that she is no career criminal and probably should not quit her day job.

Lois Harvey apparently walked into a branch of Columbus Chase bank one morning last week, and took her place in line with full intentions of robbing the bank, by note. However, she failed to notice that a police officer was directly behind her in the line up—that is she didn’t notice until she was up at the counter and presumably in the process of putting the incriminating prose in front of the teller.

Now, according to media reports, the cop was off-duty—but in uniform—complete with fluorescent traffic-stopping gotta-be-blind-to-miss yellow vest! (that’s the cop in the pic, with blond Lois in front of him; photo: FBI)—and wasn’t aware of what was going on. That’s comforting. But when he saw Lois grab her note back and run out of the bank he presumably put 2 and 2 together, followed her out, made her cough up the note which she was trying to eat (yuk!) and arrested her.

Poor old Lois was jailed, obviously, and the local judge set bond at $250,085. Given her possible financial situation, I’m betting she’s gonna be there for a while. Well, it gives her time to read up on less demanding career options.

C’mon and Take a Free Ride. Not. What would you do if you wanted a ride home and your cell phone was out of juice? A Maryland man thought he’d dial 911—because it was the only call his phone would still make. Umm, that’s bright.

Interestingly, this guy obviously knew that telling the truth wasn’t going to get him a police escort home—free of charge—so he made up a yarn about being the subject of an armed robbery. His story went that a car pulled up and someone got out and put a gun to his head. Surprise!

Does this sound plausible to you? Middle of the night—possibly the middle of nowhere—some guy WALKING  home—yeah, I’ll bet he’s got a few thousand stashed in his boxers for occasions such as these.

Anyway—according to AP, the man told the police he complied with the robbers and they fled. When the cops showed up to investigate, they realized they had been duped. So he confessed—he just wanted a ride home. I’ll bet he got a ride—direct to the station.

“Welcome to McMinnville Fire Station. Can I take your Order?” And this guy—he actually needed 911 services—but decided it was quicker to drive—straight into the fire station.

Apparently he was only a few blocks from a local fire station when smoke started pouring out from under the hood of his pick-up. So he drove right into the driveway of the fire station where, luckily for him, a fireman was outside washing an ambulance.

The engine fire was quickly extinguished with the help of all hands and everyone was happy. The man who owned the truck wasn’t injured and the firefighters didn’t even need to suit up and leave the station house. Apparently, McMinnville Fire Marshal Eric McMullen told the Oregonian newspaper that reported the incident, “We were joking today about our new drive-up service.”

Tags: Tortelicious

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