Do You Want Me? Don’t Ask Police what You Don’t Want to Know

October 11th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them. 

I think it must be one of those weeks when the planets are lined up badly…for example…

I Want You to Want Me…? A woman in Cincinnati got herself arrested in an act of, well, sheer stupidity. What the heck, maybe she was having a short-term memory lapse—maybe menopause was exacting its toll on her brain cells, maybe she just wanted a workout, or maybe it was drugs. Whatever the reason, 44-year-old Selma Elmore was apparently overwhelmed by the need to know—was there an outstanding arrest warrant against her? Better find out! And who better to ask than your local neighborhood police officer. Go straight to the source—that ‘a girl! 

So she flagged down a police officer and asked him—am I wanted? (By the police, just to be clear). Well, I don’t know what she said but it’s not hard to imagine the exchange. If I were the police officer I’m not sure I would have believed the woman was genuine. But, this officer did. And when he informed Selma that she was in fact wanted—by the police—she took off on foot. What a surprise. 

But Selma is no armchair athlete. The police officer took off after her, eventually catching her up, but she pushed him into a wall, injuring his elbow. (I think this rules out temporary memory lapses and hormonal fluctuations as probable cause). The officer, realizing that he did not have the upper hand, called in reinforcements who eventually apprehended Selma.  

What was the fuss all about? Selma was originally wanted for allegedly failing to pay a fine as a result of a drug conviction. But her curiosity has only served to increase her rap sheet, as she now faces a charge of resisting arrest. Ignorance is bliss, I say.

No! No! Not the Water! As for this guy—maybe he wanted to re-use his costume for Halloween. Clad in a face mask from the thriller movie “Scream”, a man—shown at left and yet to be identified or caught—tried to hold up a Dunkin Donuts shop in New York’s Long Island.

Apparently, he walked in through the back door of the establishment—waving a silver handgun around like a fairy’s wand, and, of course, demanding money, as you do when you’re committing a robbery. But he didn’t count on the hot water. 

The fellow washing some trays at the time, the only person present in the back of the shop when Mr. “Scream” broke in, thought it was a joke. “I was washing the tray and somebody came in the back door,” Muhammed Kahn told the New York Post. 

“He said, ‘Give me the money! Give me the money!’ He was wearing a Halloween mask and had a bag, like Halloween. I thought it was a friend—a joke,” he said. 

So Kahn did what any one with a hose in his hand would have done—turned it on the perp and let fly, which sent the would-be robber hot-out the door as fast as possible. Maybe he was afraid his outfit would shrink—or perhaps the mask wasn’t waterproof. In any event, he left empty handed. 

FYI—the police are still looking for him. Anyone with information is urged to contact Crime Stoppers at 800-244-TIPS (8477). Calls are confidential. 

Broomstick Does Battle, and Wins. And this would-be robber was foiled by a 75-year-old gas station employee brandishing a broomstick. Plucky! But Dan McLeod—the vanquisher—thought the robber was just pulling a prank. What is it with these people? 

McLeod only began to take the robber seriously when the robber threatened to kill him. Yes, that would probably do it. 

However, death would have involved being bludgeoned to death with a small wrench, as this was the weapon of choice for the robber. Um, that could have taken some time. Don’t think that was well thought through. 

McLeod said when he saw the wrench he thought he could take the man. So he grabbed a broomstick—and hit the man several times, forcing him to back out of the station. I’ll bet the security camera footage is quite entertaining. 

A fellow employee, Ray Wood, told the local paper, the Oregonian, that McLeod is an old-timer but says he’s “pretty salty.” Pretty savvy too, I’d say. And just in case you’re wondering—the gas station where McLeod works is in rural Oregon.

Tags: Tortelicious

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