Possibly Most Moronic Beer Heist – this guy’s Tortelicious

May 18th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them.

So is this guy really cheeky—or just really—well—stupid?

Can I steal the chilled ones instead? A man from Tennessee (sounds like the opening line of a very bad joke…and it nearly is) stole some beer from a gas station. Problem was—the beer was warm.

What was he thinking? Warm beer? I don’t think so!

So he turned around and walked right back into the gas station and asked the store clerk if he could exchange the warm brews for some cold ones… (or does he just have an incredible sense of entitlement?)

Apparently the clerk asked the man if he had in fact paid for the beer in the first place, as she didn’t remember ringing them in. How could she? She had been in the back of store doing some restocking.

He must have woken up at this point—because he reportedly ran from the store. Was it something she said?

Guess my heart goes out to the guy—he’s clueless. So the video above is a little gesture of good will—to help him out next time he has some warm beer on his hands.

He’s Got a Garage (Contra)Band? You know there must have been something in the water last week—or maybe smoke in the air. Here’s another one—a man from Buffalo called the police to report two teenagers who were breaking into his garage.

Apparently, he didn’t stop to think about what the teens were trying to steal—could it have been his pot plants per chance? This guy had quite a green thumb—and his own little grow-op in his garage to prove it. Now that will attract teenagers.

So the police came, as they do when you report a burglary, and charged the teens accordingly. But of course they had to do an investigation, and they found 51 healthy pot plants. So they arrested the homeowner on drug charges. Ya think? It’s a good thing you can’t be charged for stupidity. I wonder if he’s a contributing member of the gene pool…

How does a Garden Hose end up Costing $63,015.31? No, this is not a skill-testing question or some bizarre riddle for MENSA members. It represents the legal fees incurred by a police officer who was accused by the town of Ansonia, CT, of stealing a garden hose, from some civic department.

Just one garden hose, by the way. And, no, I don’t know how long it was…or what material it was made of, or whether it had one of those fancy spray nozzles on the end…

In any event, the cop went to court and was acquitted. Yup—the jury decided he hadn’t stolen the garden hose after all. (A jury? Who knows…)

So officer Mustafa Salahuddin sent his lawyer’s bill into the city to pay, and after ‘much deliberation,’ the town agreed to pay! Are you kidding? How many hours manpower could this case have taken? I know all garden hoses look pretty much the same, but seriously, the town could have had their choice of garden hoses—they could have had a whole new civic garden—for that kind of dough. Were these people elected?

I can’t help thinking that the lawyer should have been charged with theft.

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Tuesday, May 18th, 2010 at 12:53 pm and is filed under Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.