Sex Toy Self-Defense Only the Beginning of her Legal Woes

February 2nd, 2011. By LucyC

Well, he did have handcuffs… Who needs pepper spray—when you can save money on personal defense and use what you already have at hand. Just don’t get carried away—like poor old Carolee Bildsten.

Fifty-six year old Carolee was out for a night on the town back in November—and decided to travel light. So she emptied her handbag of clutter before heading out to the bar. After having a meal and several drinks she discovered she’d taken her wallet out of her handbag as well. No problem, she explained to the manager of Joe’s Crab Shack. She’d just nip home and get her money—come back and pay her bill.

So she sets off with the best of intentions, but finds the sidewalk difficult to navigate, apparently, and ends up face-down in a patch of grass outside the restaurant. Enter her knight in shining armor—a local police officer who drove her home. And waited while she found her money.

But the story all goes horribly wrong at this point. After having been inside for several minutes the police officer decided to check up on her—make sure she was still vertical, probably. Carolee claims his sudden appearance in her bedroom frightened her so she ‘attacked’ him with—I love this—a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device.” You know that could mean any number of things…but in this instance it’s a sex toy.

Needless to say the police officer tackled her and cuffed her apparently for assault—but surely not with a ‘deadly weapon?’

Now, one would think that Carolee might have figured that having a few drinks might lead to some not so good consequences—like having your picture plastered all over the news next to the words, “sex toy”. Not so.

In fact, Carolee is back in the news because as a part of her initial bond—for which she coughed up 10 percent of $20k—Carolee was to stay away from alcohol. But, alas old habits die hard, and Carolee called pretrial services, leaving a bit of a slurred message. A day later, her BAC (blood alcohol content) came in at 0.307; the limit is .08. The result? Carolee’s bond is now at $50k, and she’s behind bars. She was due in court again yesterday.

Not exactly an eBay top-rated seller… I think this man has set a new low. A man on New York’s Long Island has been charged with grand larceny having been accused of stealing some 7,000 JC Penny discount coupons destined for the department store’s customers.

Apparently, 38-year old Thomas Tang was supposed to deliver the coupons, but he kept them instead and sold them on eBay. Unbelievable!

Well, no surprise, he pleaded not guilty at his arraignment and was ordered held on $5,000 cash bail. Apparently, the ‘alleged’ theft occurred between October 2009 and January 2011. No word on how he was caught—but maybe an eBay consumer cottoned on. After all, it’s a pretty strange place to be offloading coupons—and last time I checked coupons were free—or am I just not keeping up with the times?

Maybe this woman just wanted picture books. Seventy-five-year old Joy Cassidy has been charged with damaging library books—quite a few of them—by smearing ketchup, maple syrup and mayonnaise throughout the texts. Her modus operandi involved taking the books from the Ada County Community Library’s drop box.

Estimated cost of the damage—$1,000. Wonder what the cost of the condiments was?

So the judge in Idaho who was hearing her case threw the book at her (couldn’t resist—sorry) and has sentenced her to one month in jail. She’s also been warned to not darken so much as the doors of Boise-area libraries for at least two years.

DIY Cryonics nets pension checks? Oh fiddle-dee-dee—I’ll deal with that tomorrow—that being the body in the freezer. A woman in Carlsbad, NM, who died recently, was not the only dead body found in the house, it turns out. Her relatives who were cleaning out her home, found an unknown body in her freezer.

The local detectives received a tip that the body was that of the woman’s husband, who died in 1997. Who knew that?

The theory is that she kept her husband’s death a secret so she could continue to collect his pension. Hey—it apparently worked.

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Wednesday, February 2nd, 2011 at 4:53 pm and is filed under Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.