Take the Wheel, I have to Shave! and other Tortelicious gems…

March 9th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal items making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 

This one was a real close shave (and a very bad pun). A young woman in Florida, who was driving through the Keys to meet her boyfriend, decided she need to shave her bikini line en-route. I mean who has time to pull over these days? Seriously. 

Not surprisingly, she caused a car crash. 

Wait—it get’s weirder. (What is it about Florida?) 

The 37-year old handed the wheel of the car to her ex husband—who was not in the driver’s seat—both figuratively and literally. After piling into some poor guy who had slowed down to make a turn, she keeps her foot on the gas—clearly focused on her destination—and drove another half mile down the road where she stopped and swapped seats with her ex-husband so it looked like he was the one who had been driving. 

My question is why didn’t she just get her ex-husband to drive her all the way there? As it turns out, she should not have been driving in the first place. The day before the accident, she had been convicted and sentenced to nine months of probation for DUI and driving with a suspended license. Her license was revoked for five years and she was ordered to get her car impounded. 

You know, you couldn’t make this stuff up, even if you wanted to. 

Talk about getting off to a roaring start. According to New England police, newlywed 22-year-old Marissa Ann Putignano-Keene attempted to run down her new husband’s ex-girlfriend and son in a parking lot outside the town hall where she and Timothy Keene had just been married. Apparently they didn’t have a chauffeur for the big event. 

But they did have a bottle of bubbly, which they split before they went out in search of their intended road kill. I guess if mowing down your ex is considered acceptable, then drinking and driving wouldn’t even register on the scale of things one shouldn’t do…even or especially on your wedding day. 

The 37-year old groom, who is a registered sex offender, was in the car with his new bride at the time of the ‘event’, so both of them were charged. Poor old Marissa got assault and battery with a dangerous weapon, while her husband was charged with disorderly conduct, and they spent their first night as newlyweds on the taxpayers’ dime, in jail. Just another heart-warming tale of true love. 

And finally, as if reading the daily news isn’t enough to drive you to drink—what happens when someone tampers with the drink? A class action lawsuit has been filed in Los Angeles over some dodgy Pinot Noir.

It seems that about 18 million bottles of Red Bicyclette Pinot Noir were routinely blended with cheaper Merlot and Syrah over several vintages.

The lawsuit was filed by a consumer—one very savvy consumer I’d say—against Gallo, French wine merchant Ducasse and the large Languedoc cooperative Sieur d’Arques, alleging fraud and false advertising.  

To quote Wine Spectator “The case dates back to 2006 as demand for inexpensive Pinot Noir was growing. Gallo had been working with Limoux-based Sieur d’Arques on various Red Bicyclette wines but the co-op did not have enough Pinot to meet demand, so it turned to Ducasse to help buy the varietal from other growers and producers.” Apparently, this little ruse netted 7 million euros profit. Nice work if you can get it….

 

Tags: Ducasse, DUI, Florida, Gallo, Pinot Noir, Red Bicyclette, Sieur d'Arques

This was posted on Tuesday, March 9th, 2010 at 5:18 pm and is filed under Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.