Tip of the Day: Bank Hours Important to Bank Robbery Plan

February 15th, 2011. By LucyC

Sorry, we’re closed – you’ll have to rob someone else. Timing is everything—especially when committing—or trying to commit a robbery. Take the story of this fellow in Cranston, Rhode Island—identity unknown by the way. He reportedly walked into a branch of Citizens Bank inside a grocery store around 7:00 p.m., and slipped a note to the teller. According to Major Robert W. Ryan, of the Cranston police, the note was written on a ripped paper plate and said, “This is a robbery.”

Oh you think so huh? Maybe not. Turned out it was closing time—the teller told him the bank was closing and promptly shut the security door on him. I’m betting she doesn’t get paid overtime…

In any event, the man walked out of the store—without any cash or a new career. The police are looking for him.

Bite me. No, really. This does defy belief. A teenager in Florida who was sporting some rather fetching bite marks, made up a story to explain them to her parents, presumably thinking it would be better than the truth. So—she tells her mother that she had been attacked while jogging. No need to worry…that should keep the parents calm. Not.

Needless to say said youth was whisked away to the local police to tell them her story. According to the South Florida Sun Sentinel, the 15-year old dutifully reported being attacked while jogging. Unfortunately for her, the police were unable to find any evidence of the attack.

Suspecting that perhaps something was amiss, the police questioned the girl again and she eventually confessed to taking part in ‘fantasy biting’ with a 19-year-old man. Oh yes—that’s definitely worse than being attacked by a stranger while jogging. No surprise, the girl is a fan of the fictional “Twilight” series. She is now facing the non-fictional charge of filing a false police report.

Oh, he meant that kind of ‘job’…Then there’s this guy—who reportedly broke into Windswept Appliance and Air Conditioning in Marathon in Monroe County, Florida, around 11:20 p.m to look for a job, he claimed. After hours? Now there’s a new tactic. According to the New Miami Times, he later changed his story to say he was investigating a light that had been left on in the store. (Too bad they were all out upstairs…)

Someone else also noticed a light on in the store and called the police, who caught the 19-year old would-be burglar with his pants down—well he was trying to pull them up—you know what I mean—watching an ‘explicit video’ on somebody’s ‘business’ computer. (A business computer? The computer knows the difference between business and pleasure?)

Kenneth White has been charged with burglary, theft and criminal mischief. His defense should be interesting…

New meaning to ‘ratted out’. No free flights on Alaska! Passengers booked on a Seattle-Denver Alaska Airlines flight recently suffered a delayed departure. OK—not unusual, I’ll grant you. However, the delay was due to a rat seen scurrying in the cabin. I’m guessing he didn’t have a seat assignment —or maybe he needed to use the toilet while the seatbelt sign was on. 

In any event, the plane had just pulled away from the gate when the ticketless passenger was spotted. Given that he was not scheduled to be on the flight—and presumably had not cleared security—the plane headed back to the gate where the rat and his luggage were removed from the plane. The two legged passengers and crew were put on another plane about an hour and half later.

Airline spokeswoman Bobbie Egan says workers also are trying to determine how Ratty got aboard. She says in cold weather, “sometimes rodents can seek shelter in strange places.” Well, if the rat was seeking shelter from the cold, Denver was not the best choice of destination so he’s probably better off. No word on whether any passengers were looking to sue for “emotional distress”…

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Tuesday, February 15th, 2011 at 12:59 pm and is filed under Emerging Issues, Totally Tortelicious . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.