Overheard at the Dentist: “Suction…ok, now Jumbo Paper Clip”

March 23rd, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal items making news. Goodness knows there’s no shortage of them. 

102 uses for paper clips? Thinking about getting knocked out next time you go to the dentist? This little tale may give you pause to rethink the “I don’t want to know” approach. Apparently a dentist in Massachusetts, one Michael Clair, got caught charging Medicaid for stainless steel posts used in root canals when he was in fact using paper clips. Yes, paper clips. Who knew? I don’t think they were the multi-coloured plastic ones. 

Clair’s ploy was to hire dentists for his clinic and file claims under their numbers because he had been suspended by Medicaid in 2002. The state attorney has charged Clair with assault and battery, larceny, submitting false claims and illegally prescribing drugs. Not a bad little rap sheet for a dentist. 

But seriously, if this is what a dentist can dream up in his spare time, what use could a surgeon find for this apparently underutilized little stationery item? 

MySpace at YourPlace? Ok—we all know that the younger generations are practically hardwired for social media—but this 17-year old has absolutely set a new standard. He broke into a furniture store in Washington state and raided the cash register. So far, so predictable. But before he left, he thought he’d better check his MySpace page—I mean he could have had an urgent, life-changing message—it’s possible—or more likely a bet with a friend.  Problem was he used the store computer to log on. 

Needless to say the police had no problem tracking him down. 

Is there a charge for being criminally stupid?

Maybe he Wuz Just Jay(Z)walking? A 33-year old concert-goer in Pittsburgh is being charged with criminal mischief and criminal trespass, after breaking into a house and crawling into bed with Frank Fontana, the homeowner—whom he was not intimately acquainted with. In fact, the two had not met up until that moment. (Talk about getting outside your comfort zone).

This reportedly happened at about 5:30 in the morning, and the trespasser was looking for shelter after going to a Jay-Z concert at the Mellon Arena. (He can afford a ticket but not bus fare home?) 

The homeowner thought his surprise visitor might be a girlfriend who has a key to his place so, he quite reasonably asked his new bedmate “Is that you honey?” I guess the “No it’s not” response, in a male baritone, came as a bit of a shock.

As for charges—criminal trespass I get, but criminal mischief—it doesn’t sound like anyone got up to much. Fontana kept the intruder at bay with a baseball bat until the police arrived. I wonder what they talked about…

Tags: Tortelicious

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