Where Else Would You Stash 7 Bags of Heroin? It’s Tortelicious

July 13th, 2010. By LucyC

Welcome to Totally Tortelicious—a review of some of the more bizarre legal stories making news—and there’s certainly no shortage of them. 

Hartford Hat Trick: Rub a Dub Dub, Three Fools in a Flub. I don’t really know where to start with this one—the one-liners come thick and fast. So I think I’ll just get to the facts. Three people were arrested near Hartford, CT, on July 6, having been pulled over by police, presumably because they had not displayed the vehicle’s licence plates properly. But it seems that offense was just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. 

Twenty-six year old James Hatfield, was also driving with a suspended license, and did not have his seatbelt done up (Click-it or Ticket?). Oh, and he was transporting two people, friends presumably, who were holding eight bags of heroin between them. Twenty-three year old William Hindman had a mere seven bags stashed up his buttocks, (I wonder if he was wearing a seatbelt…) and the 22-year old girl, one Kathryn McManus, was holding the other bag. Needless to say they were charged for possession of drug paraphernalia. Where was the paraphernalia? 

I think these three get full marks for desperation, a few marks for execution, and no marks for observation. 

Bet He Watches Honeymooners Reruns, Too. Speaking of execution, many people harbour odd fantasies but a 19-year old man from Washington DC was arrested over the weekend for stealing a Metrobus and driving it into a tree. And the point would be? 

Apparently he walked into the bus depot wearing a Metro bus driver’s uniform—incidentally—he was not an employee of the bus company—and nonchalantly drove the bus right off the lot. He carried on for about three miles before slamming the thing into a tree in Southeast Washington. In all my years as a driver I can’t recall ever experiencing an overwhelming urge to drive my car into a tree—into the guy in front who just cut me off, yes—but a not a tree. 

It gets more interesting though. The wannabe driver, William Jackson, decided to pick up some passengers along the way. I guess he figured, hey, why not have some company along for the ride?

Anyway, the police caught up with him as he fled the scene and arrested him for unauthorized use of a vehicle and fleeing an accident. What about totally insane conduct?—though from the sound of it, seems like Metro Transit Police Captain Ronald A. Pavlik has seen it all. According to him, Jackson told police investigators, “He simply had a fascination with buses.” I’ll bet.

Do Not Abandon your Groceries…police in suburban New York discovered a suspicious suitcase recently, and called in the Rockland County Bomb Squad to deal with it. The suitcase, it should be noted, was in Veterans Park in Nanuet, NY. 

So the bomb squad x-rayed the suitcase—all sounding normal so far—and found three cylinders inside and something that looked like tools and wires. Ok. Not so good. 

So the bomb squad cleared the area and blew the suitcase up, covering everything nearby in tuna fish, corn and pieces of tin opener. Nice. Although better than the obvious alternative, the debris must have smelt as bad as it looked. 

So, a heads-up. If you’re planning on stashing the odd bag of food around your city as part of some disaster preparedness program—you might want to rethink that strategy. 

Get Out of Jail Free Card Wasn’t Enough for This One…And finally, someone who demonstrated some brains… a woman in Hollidaysburg, PA, managed to steal $2,000 from the Blair County jail where she had been held on charges (unrelated, no less) of theft. 

Apparently, when she was released the jail sent her a check for $6.95 which was the amount remaining in her ‘inmate account.’ I didn’t know criminals had bank accounts—inside jail. 

So this woman, who shall remain nameless, used the routing number on the check to access jail funds to pay her utility bills. Oh—she also transferred $179 to her husband’s bank account. Well, that doesn’t seem excessive. I think she’s back in jail…

Tags: Tortelicious

This was posted on Tuesday, July 13th, 2010 at 11:06 am and is filed under Emerging Issues . Feel free to respond, or trackback. Read our comments policy.